It means a lot to me that Danny and I are going to Korea. The Republic of Korea is my birthplace. Seoul is my go-hyang, which means my hometown. The very essence of my soul still lingers in Seoul. He can finally see my essence. :) Not that Danny has never been to Korea. He just hasn't seen me interact with my extended family.

I've seen him in multiple family situations: Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Phyllis', Christmastime in Houston with his sister, her in-laws, and the whole entire church of Seoul Baptist, cousin Marshall and Peter in New York, cousin Maggie in Seattle, aunts and uncles galore, grandma, great-aunt, and much much more. I'm always blessed by his family. I think in general they like me and that's such a blessing.

I've said this before, but I always imagined myself marrying into a very Korean family. In fact, I prepared for it all my life. I know how to start a conversation with Korean parents, I know how many times I have to offer to wash the dishes, and I know how to cut fruit, among the many things written in the hidden code of conduct. Basically, I know what is expected of me as a daughter-in-law. However, my experience can be likened to that of studying really hard for a test, but finding out that instead of an essay exam, it's a multiple choice test. A multiple choice test is much more straight forward, to the point, and without frills. Now some may think, "Wow! Lucky! I want a multiple choice test!" The thing is, I was expecting an essay exam! I studied so hard. I'm better at taking writing tests because I get to show all my knowledge. In fact, I'm horrible at taking multiple choice tests. So on the one hand, I was a tiny bit disappointed that I didn't marry into a Korean Korean family.

However, don't get me wrong! It's not that I'm failing my multiple choice test. I studied so much that I can figure out the multiple choice test. I don't have to rely on innate test-taking skills. I've acquired enough knowledge to help me get through the multiple choice test. And when I look around at my other Korean-American friends who have married into Koreanized families, but wasn't expecting the essay question test, I see that they are suffering! They haven't studied the quotes to weave into their answers. They haven't memorized the key words that test readers are wanting to see, eager to see.

So I know I've got a good thing. I embrace it. I'm blessed by it. Hooray for multiple choice tests!

So back to my original point. I'm a little bit concerned as to how my extended family will react to Danny. Should I just say he's Chinese? haha. Well, he is "Chai-nese." So I wouldn't really be lying....

I guess what I'm saying is that it's harder for someone who studied for the multiple choice test (in Danny's case, since he's innately so good at multiple choice tests, I'm not sure if he even studied at all!) to enter into an essay question situation than the reverse. So it's harder for Danny than it is for me. I'm trying to imagine how my uncles would communicate with him. My cousins are ok in English, so they'll be able to understand him, but they'll respond to him in Korean. I can think of one uncle who's a quantum physics professor that might be able to communicate with him in a math or computer language. Other than that, I think it's just going to be a little bit uncomfortable. Which is fine with me, kinda. I just hope Danny studies a little for this test.

This is what some parent wrote on one of my student's homework paper: "Language and Math should never be MIXED. This is BAD MATH! Mrs. Chai, this was a poor Math exercise. There is too much language." The assignment had to do with identifying the different parts of a division equation, such as dividend, divisor, and quotient, reading and figuring out which is which, and answering True or False to certain statements about divison equations.

Anyways, I think it was a worthy assignment, but the comment just put a damper on my day. Having your professional integrity questioned is just not fun.

Anyways, SN, my parents did not pay a DIME for my college education. I worked through college. I always had some kind of job. I had the maximum amount of student loans, which I'm paying back right now, and for years to come. I received grants from the school, and applied for scholarships from outside sources. In fact, when I waited in the financial aid line at the start of every quarter (with Patty and James), the school paid me! Usually I had a little left over, which I used to buy books. I think finances should never stand in the way of education. I firmly believe this. We live in America, and where there's a will, there's a way. I hope you can find comfort in that. And sometimes, to be debt-free is... heaven. Literally.

There are two moments in my professional life that I can think of where the memory of it just makes me cringe and I can feel the bottom of my stomach filling with dread. The first moment was during an Ancient Egyptian PowerPoint presentation where my third graders performed in front of their peers, parents, and the principal. Two boys were talking about the god Thoth and what he was known for. All of a sudden, a noise interrupts. That familiar four-note melody that's immediately followed by a pop-up window displaying a message: "hello?" Danny had decided to IM me right at the moment when I could receive the maximum amount of embarrassment.

In that split second, while my students' faces turned towards me in bewilderment, I panicked. I quickly exited out of the message box, closed my Buddy Window box, and then acted like nothing happened.

Then all of a sudden, like a zit that keeps reappearing even after you pop it, another window appears with the same AOL tune: "are you there?" You see, I hadn't exited out of AOL Instant Messenger. I had merely closed the window. But I thought I had gotten rid of the problem!

So I quickly exited, told the boys to go on, and proceeded to call Danny on the phone to warn him not to AIM me anymore. But you see, there was a performance going on, and parents were there, the principal... Just thinking about that experience makes me feel ill. I ended up calling Danny and whispering so softly that he couldn't hear what the heck I was saying.

"Stop AIMing me," I managed to say.

"What? What are you saying?"

And then I feared that he might AIM me AGAIN to write "what are you saying?"

So I said in a louder whisper, "Please stop AIMing me. We're having a PowerPoint presentation right now!"

He answered back, also in a loud whisper, "Why don't you exit out of AIM?" Ha! Like I didn't think of that already.

Well, I couldn't stop the current performance, but when the next pair was up, I quickly exited out of the program and just tried to pretend it never happened. I sometimes relive that moment in my thoughts, when I saw my principal widen her eyes at this sudden interruption. I had a couple of nightmares about it. I also think of alternate solutions I could have used in that moment.

All I can say is, I'm glad that Danny used neutral language. Can you imagine the humiliation if he wrote something like, "hey baby, how YOU doin? You're hot!"

The second moment happened today. It is every teacher's worst nightmare to wake up in the morning and realize that she is late for school. And it happened to me. My principal called me today at 8:40am. I was totally and utterly in bed, sleeping. Didn't hear the alarm clock. Probably slept through it, or turned it off without knowing it, or set it to PM instead of AM so it never rang. I don't know. All I know is, I was late, my principal had to call me to wake me up, and I made everyone worry about me. I hate being irresponsible like that. Right now I'm trying to find a balance between receiving the grace that my colleagues extended to me and being hard on myself for being so stupid. :(

It's the end of an era. Friends are parting ways. Now I realize that there are many haters out there. Enemies, if you will. But why hate? Why not love? Friends, as you know, has been there with me through thick and thin for the past ten years. I stuck with them, and they were faithful to me. From age 16 to 26 I've watched Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Chandler become their own person.

ONE thing I have against the show was that there wasn't a great positive Asian American character. Ross's ex-girlfriend Julie was alright, but Rachel hated her, and she eventually got dumped by Ross. I just didn't feel that she really was accepted by the friends. Then there was actor Steve Park who played an analyst at Chandler's office. Joey asked, "Are all analysts geeks?" I thought that was offensive. And Chandler once made a joke, "Can there BE any more Kims?" about Korean Americans.

Although I loved Friends and will get all ten seasons on DVD eventually (I have 1-3 already), it's time for a cup of coffee at a new cafe. Better yet, it's time for a boba cafe.

(I can't believe I turned this entry into an "eracism"/pro-Asian American/pro-minority entry.)

I'm such a natural at computer programming! :) Haha. Just kidding. Any old person can do it. I just set up a Comments section on my page, and I'm so happy about it. Anyone want to write me something? A shout-out? An eprop perhaps?

I was trying to comment on Janice's page, when I realized that I have to be a xanga member to make comments on her page. I got so enraged that I decided to get a comments section for my page so that anyone who wanted to write a comment to me would be able to. Ha! Take that, xanga.

I went crazy with Mother's Day gifts this year. Mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and grandmother-in-law. Why not, I say. It's so nice to be surrounded by family and relatives who speak English and are in the same country. But all I have to say is, next year I'm sending a nice card. That's it.

I'm a horrible gift-giver by nature, and it's only in the past two years that I've been really trying to become a better gift giver. I remember growing up, I gave Karen the worst gifts ever. And she always gave me awesome gifts. I would always get things for people that I liked and not ones that I thought would make the receiver happy. To this day, I still cringe at the memory of me giving my then 11-year-old brother a solid colored T-shirt from Mervyn's. I thought he would jump up and down for joy because if I had received one, I would have jumped up and down for sure. But he was like, "Thanks." I wish I could go back and get him a super soaker water gun, baseball cards, a Nintendo game, or something like that.

The thing is, I think my younger brother is a good gift-giver. He thinks about what the other person likes, and then adjusts accordingly. For example, I still remember when he got me a Vineyard CD and the matching songbook. It blew me away! I love praise and worship music, and I love matching! Recently, he got us Trivial Pursuit (even though we already had that particular version) because he knew that Danny loves the game. How thoughtful.

My other brother, on the other hand, is not so much into gift-giving. It's not that he doesn't care about loved ones, but I think he thinks that it's philosophically ridiculous. I don't know. I don't want to misrepresent him. When it comes down to it, he knows and accepts that it's a part of society. He'll do it for social reasons, but chooses not to put too much emphasis on it. Since Mother's Day is coming up, and it's socially acceptable to give moms a gift, he was willing to chip in for a gift. But he didn't have to do anything besides give the money. Maybe it's just laziness.