Danny and I watched "Meet the Fockers" the other night. Hilarious, but not as hilarious as "Meet the Parents." Don't you just love the scene where the Owens guy is asking Ben Stiller about his portfolio, and he has no idea what to say, and then later on the Owens guy says something about Jesus, and how he was a carpenter. I'm smiling right now thinking about that scene. Love it!

Anyways, the father in both movies talks about the "inner circle." The "inner circle" is a chosen few to whom all is shared and revealed. The "inner circle" is a group of people you can trust. I guess I've been dealing with this notion of an inner circle lately. Who is in my inner circle? My family? My smallgroup? My best friend? My friends from church? My good friends from college? My in-laws? My husband's friends? My high school friends? My co-workers? I guess to some extent, I've just considered everyone aforementioned to be a significant part of my life, and therefore, part of my inner circle. I guess you can say that my inner circle was a pretty big circle. We're talkin' a huge circumference. So huge that one might say you can't call it "inner" anymore. Some might look at my inner circle and call it an "outer circle."

I think this can cause some problems. As much as I'd like to think I have a big and generous heart, I think deep down, I'm just a selfish schmoe. If I give out love, I want to receive love. If I make an effort with someone relationally, I want relationship back. If someone in my inner circle doesn't give me what I need or want in return for what I've given them, then I get my feelings hurt. I guess I have to be aware of people whom I consider to be in my inner circle, but they might not necessarily see me as part of their inner circle. Or perhaps I got kicked outside of their inner circle without even knowing it. Either way, I need to be okay with that.

So, now you're thinking, "Did I do something to anger Jieun so that I am not in Jieun's inner circle anymore?" Or perhaps you're thinking, "Eh, Jieun was never in my inner circle, so why should I care if I am or am not in her inner circle?" Let's just say I'm going through something that is making me think of this, and then watching "Meet the Fockers" got me to thinking.

Don't get me wrong. I like that I am an "outer circle" kind of person. I like that I am the kind of person that stretches her inner circle wide open to welcome even strangers to join and feel included. It's the hostess in me. But perhaps there's wisdom in tightening it up a bit, so that the circle isn't so flimsy and breakable. Perhaps there's wisdom in knowing my limitations as a selfish human being. If I give, and don't get, I should either be okay with it because that's what Christ's love is all about, or stop trying to give so desperately, so that perchance they'll throw me a bone.

Nicknames I have had...

Jenu (jen - NEW): This is what my brothers sometimes called me when we would just be hanging out. I think it came out of all the funny ways that non-Koreans have pronounced my name, and this nickname kind of came out of a conglomeration of all of them.

G: Certain friends of mine will sometimes call me this. Not sure why. I suspect it's out of laziness. The extra syllable takes a little more work, so why not stop at G. Sounds snazzy and hip hop.

jiji: For some reason, at work, both at Menlo School and Hillbrook School, my co-workers have come up with this name all on their own. It is playful, sexy, and sophisticated at the same time. But if you say it with a certain emphasis, it can also mean "dirty gross stuff" in Korean.

Chej: This one was birthed spontaneously by my friend Miriam. Since my name is now Chai Jieun, "chej" is a shortened version of that. It just kind of rolled out and stuck. It has a charming quality about it that I really like.

I'm not naturally a nickname person. When I choose email names, it's always boring jieunchai, jchai, or my favorite: jieungracechai. None of this dcfly business, or any of the other cutesy things people use to represent themselves. Maybe I'm just boring. I like my name, and I just stick to it. But I do enjoy when other people invent things for me, cuz then I feel cool enough.

This post is dedicated to my friend Connie, whom I miss and whom I wish well as she is all the way out there in DC.

Yes, the first part of the first year of marriage is a HUGE life transition period. Can I just say? Reading your entry about Bed, Bath, and Beyond... reminded me of my excursions to Target and Macy's. They were my best friends and worst enemies the first three months of settling down. So many things to return, and so many things to buy. I wish someone had told me to register for a pizza stone and fine china and bathroom shower curtains and stand mixer. But who knew? I didn't know how to cook, so how am I supposed to know what things to register for in the kitchen? I didn't know until the week before my wedding what my bathroom might look like, so how am I supposed to take the time and figure out what the bath supplies should be?

Oh, and the long lines at DMV and Social Security. HOW MANY MEN HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT? Tell me. I don't know many husbands who actually went with their wives to these places to go through the life-altering processes together. I think it took me about a year and a half to change my name for all credit cards, airline cards (which you have to send in writing!), library cards, etc. Changing my name was a traumatic experience. I mean, I got used to it quick enough, but still, it was an identity change. For Danny, he just enjoyed seeing me sign my name as "Jieun Chai," and not "Jieun Park." It gave him a warm tingle inside. How great for him.

Since Danny had better credit limits, etc., when we merged all of our financial accounts, I had to learn all of Danny's passwords and secret codes to access accounts online. So I sat there and started memorizing.

I'm not sure if Danny went through any agonizing, traumatic, life-altering changes when he got married. I bore the burden for us both.

Hey, but I'm not bitter. :) Looking back, the "transition" period only lasted about three months for me. But I was lucky to have found a church community that helped me transition. It was hard to start anew because BayLight people only knew me as Jieun Chai, and I didn't feel like that was the complete JIEUN. There was more to the package than just Jieun Chai. I was a Park for about 24 years! But they didn't even know that Jieun Park had existed. So I had to carve out a new identity as Jieun Chai. It was difficult, but I pushed through.

So Connie, I feel you, sister. I would have called you, but I don't know that you have a cell phone yet! So I'm communicating to you through my webpage. Hopefully you'll see it soon. The whole "leave and cleave" thing is a healthy and biblical thing to do, and I'm glad that you're taking things in stride.

I miss my mom. I talk to her almost every day, except when she's out of the country. She's been in Korea for about a month now, and I feel like an eagle with a clipped wing, not able to soar, directionless.

You see, whenever I need a perspective on a life situation, I call her and ask her what she thinks. In the past, she has given me advice such as: cast your burdens upon Jesus, be patient with those who are different from you, and take care of your health first.

When I have failed at something, such as making an error on my taxes, I call my mother and she simply listens, saying "Everyone makes mistakes and fails." That's the type of encouragement I need to get me started again.

When I don't know what to make for dinner, I call my mom and say, "I don't know what to make for dinner." She gives me some suggestions, and always tells me that I'm a great cook, even if she's never really tasted my cooking. That gives me strength to get dinner started.

All in all, my mom is the greatest. I hope that I become a great mother someday.