I've been thinking a lot about pain lately. My friend reminded me today that I'm a sickly person. It's true. Ever since college freshman year, my body has gone through so much sickness. It's partly because I don't exercise. But it's also partly because I am weak sauce. I was made this way. Weak and sickly. A fallen body in a fallen world.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not in chronic pain or anything. I still have good health. The morning sickness I'm going through right now is temporary. There's an ending. But it gave me a taste of what chronic pain, chronic health problems, might feel like. Not only physical, but emotional. I panicked the other day. About having a baby and being pregnant. It was all in my mind, but it was scary.

So I got to thinking about all the people I know of that are going through some kind of chronic physical or emotional pain. The person with the ongoing mouth pain. Sad! The multiple people I know who have some kind of hand and arm pain. The woman at my church with constant back pain. Wow. My friends who are depressed. My husband with the daily heartburn. My uncle in Korea battling liver cancer. These are the people I think of immediately. The kind of sickness that can't be cured easily, and that have doctors baffled.

And here I am complaining and wailing about how nauseous I am. I'm telling you. I'm weak sauce.

I never knew pregnancy would be like this. All I knew before I got pregnant was that you get a cute little baby in the end. I was not prepared nor expecting to be sick day after day for however long. I'm not sure how long because I'm still going through it. It's like that movie Groundhog's Day. Ever seen it? The guy wakes up every day on the same day, and goes through the same exact day. He varies it a little here and there, but no matter how much he has accomplished, he still wakes up on the same exact day. That's how I feel. I wake up sick, and I throw up once. Then I proceed to eat food that will settle nicely in my stomach. Some days I reject the food, and other days, I'm good to go. But no matter how well I feel by the end of the day, I wake up sick. I eat my crackers, and then I throw up. And it starts all over again.

Some women have it worse than I do. Some women are only a little bit sick. And then there are those women who have no symptoms whatsoever from the overproduction of bile and hormones in their bodies. Those are the lucky ones. And quite frankly, I do feel lucky that I don't have to be hospitalized for days. But it is a struggle. Every day. The same exact struggle.

And people have been very nice to me. Those who have suffered through it know exactly what to say and what not to say. Others, who feel helpless when I tell them that I'm not doing well, and have no idea what I'm going through, try to offer some helpful suggestions. When I'm in the mood for advice, I'll gladly take it. But mostly, I just want people to say, "POOR JIEUN!!! YOU POOR POOR THING!!!!" And that's it. I have a husband who gets all my food for me, who is up on the research, and is completely involved with this pregnancy. For everyone else, unless I ask for advice or you really need to let me know something, I just want a look of sympathy or "POOR JIEUN!!! YOU POOR POOR THING!!!" (Although gifts of any kind are always a plus.)

I never knew pregnancy would be like this.