I was talking to a friend the other day about life. She said something so interesting that I've been thinking about it for a couple of days now. The comment was that our Korean Christian parents' generation pushed us into becoming doctors and lawyers (or enter any other professional title that makes 6 figures), but didn't necessarily know what kind of lifestyle they were pushing us to embrace. In their minds, the salary, prestige, and the notion of making a difference to others was the aim. Getting straight As was the expectation in high school, so that you can go to a good college, so that you can go to a good law/med school (etc.), so that you can make lots of money, so that you can settle nicely and be comfortable.
But sometimes there's such a huge class difference once you make a ton of money. At times, it can clash with your own parents. They might still expect you to go to church regularly, get married and have 2.5 kids by age 30, cook every night, clean your newly bought house by yourself, and be available during the holidays. There are certain social and economic changes one might go through when entering a higher socio-economic class. You work long hours. You hire people to do things for you. You don't have time to have kids, or even get married. You can't always get to church on a Sunday morning. You might have to work on Thanksgiving and Christmas. You may enjoy fine dining instead of sub-par Japanese restaurants like your parents. You may become a little more shee-shee-fu-fu. But is this a good thing?
One of the effects of becoming shee-shee-fu-fu is that your standards are so high for certain things that you can't help but look down at other people. I see this in my own life sometimes. For example, I am appalled when people don't grate their own parmesan cheese. I grew up with American single sliced cheese (and I still love that, btw). I ate it with everything. I thought it was the ultimate CHEESE. But then I discovered other cheeses as I became more shee-shee-fu-fu. I went wine-tasting. I took cooking classes on how to eat and store different kinds of cheeses. I'm at a point now where I stick my nose up in the air at the powdery grated cheese stuff you buy in a container to sprinkle over pasta. I need to at least grate my own parmesan cheese. You might think this is a silly example, but it's nevertheless an example of changing my ways as a result of entering into a different class.
I don't know what I think about all this. I know that money is the root of all kinds of evil. I know this to be true. And perhaps that is the temptation I must overcome every day. To not give in to the "all kinds of evil" that wealth opens up. Perhaps some of you know what I'm talking about, and know it better than I do. And perhaps some of you don't know what I'm talking about, but want to know. In any case, I'm grateful that my parents didn't push me to pursue a profession that makes a lot of money. Perhaps they knew I wasn't smart enough anyway. haha. j/k. Maybe it's because I don't know yet the meaning of being "settled," but I don't mind struggling month to month in the Bay Area. And it's not even struggling in the sense of making ends meet. It's struggling to save, really, when it comes down to it.
Do I want to be rich? Do I want to be poor? I wish I could stay a happy medium.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Blabby Abby
The other day, Abby woke up saying a succession of names:
1. Mommy (mah-mee)
2. Daddy (da-da)
3. Halmuni (ah-mu-na)
4. Blair (beh - I think it included Melissa in her mind.)
These are all people that have recently taken care of her for a long period of time. She now has memories of people and fun activities. For example, when she says "Blair," she immediately says "agua." This means that she's remembering how fun it was playing in the water when Blair and Melissa were over to babysit.
She and Halmuni got along really well when Halmuni visited from SoCal. But when Halmuni left, Abby woke up the next morning looking for her. She said her name multiple times and went to check in the guest room to see if she was still there. I told her that Halmuni is gone, that she doesn't live here, but that she lives in LA. (actually OC, but LA is easier to say for her) So now, whenever she asks or remembers Halmuni, I say "Oh, you miss Halmuni? Where is she? She lives in..."
And Abby responds, "LA (eh-A)," with a knowing smile.
And sometimes throughout the day she'll randomly say "dada" with a real urgency. Then I have to remind her that Daddy is at...
And she says, "wok," again with that oh-yeah-I-get-it-now smile.
1. Mommy (mah-mee)
2. Daddy (da-da)
3. Halmuni (ah-mu-na)
4. Blair (beh - I think it included Melissa in her mind.)
These are all people that have recently taken care of her for a long period of time. She now has memories of people and fun activities. For example, when she says "Blair," she immediately says "agua." This means that she's remembering how fun it was playing in the water when Blair and Melissa were over to babysit.
She and Halmuni got along really well when Halmuni visited from SoCal. But when Halmuni left, Abby woke up the next morning looking for her. She said her name multiple times and went to check in the guest room to see if she was still there. I told her that Halmuni is gone, that she doesn't live here, but that she lives in LA. (actually OC, but LA is easier to say for her) So now, whenever she asks or remembers Halmuni, I say "Oh, you miss Halmuni? Where is she? She lives in..."
And Abby responds, "LA (eh-A)," with a knowing smile.
And sometimes throughout the day she'll randomly say "dada" with a real urgency. Then I have to remind her that Daddy is at...
And she says, "wok," again with that oh-yeah-I-get-it-now smile.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Philosophy
Let me tell you about philosophy.
(silence)
I got nothin for you. I know not, therefore I'm not. That's the extent of my philosophical musings. I don't care much to know more, really. Philosophy to me is too much abstract thinking, and I'd rather watch TV, thankyouverymuch.
But my husband. He and philosophy are one. It makes sense to him, in a sense. He is passionate about thinking. He is passionate about thinking ABOUT thinking. One of the things I admire about him the most is his ability to synthesize information in a tangible way for the common man. Even I can read some of his entries on philosophy and come away with a sense of understanding that I'm not supposed to understand, which is what I hear philosophy is supposed to be, at its core.
So when he brought up the idea on taking a course on Philosophy, I said WHY NOT? Sign up today! Along with encouraging comments from philosophical friends responding to his latest blog entry, and the gentle supportive prodding from his wife, Danny has signed up for a continuing studies class in some kind of a philosophy of the West class!!!
I'm so excited! I'm looking forward to reading his essays and murmuring mmhmm while completely not understanding what he's written, but knowing that it's good stuff. Go Danny!
(silence)
I got nothin for you. I know not, therefore I'm not. That's the extent of my philosophical musings. I don't care much to know more, really. Philosophy to me is too much abstract thinking, and I'd rather watch TV, thankyouverymuch.
But my husband. He and philosophy are one. It makes sense to him, in a sense. He is passionate about thinking. He is passionate about thinking ABOUT thinking. One of the things I admire about him the most is his ability to synthesize information in a tangible way for the common man. Even I can read some of his entries on philosophy and come away with a sense of understanding that I'm not supposed to understand, which is what I hear philosophy is supposed to be, at its core.
So when he brought up the idea on taking a course on Philosophy, I said WHY NOT? Sign up today! Along with encouraging comments from philosophical friends responding to his latest blog entry, and the gentle supportive prodding from his wife, Danny has signed up for a continuing studies class in some kind of a philosophy of the West class!!!
I'm so excited! I'm looking forward to reading his essays and murmuring mmhmm while completely not understanding what he's written, but knowing that it's good stuff. Go Danny!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Buggin'
So, like, I'm totally buggin'! This is a line from one of my favorite movies: Clueless. "Buggin'" means "stressed out," for those of you who don't know the lingo.
I admit it. I'm a stressed out person. Most people see the calm, collected, "Capricorn" Jieun. And it's not that I fake people out; it's just that the stress is all inside. I expect Danny to match how I'm feeling. When I'm excited about something, I need him to be as excited.
WHAT!? You found out your customer's Mary Kay foundation color is Beige 304? That's with a pink undertone, right? WOWZERS!
When I feel stressed, I need him to feel stressed as well. But it seems that my husband doesn't stress out in exactly the same way that I do in exactly the same situations. For example, when we need to get ready to go out, say to church on Sunday morning, I feel stressed. I need to pack the baby's bag with snack, lunch, diapers, a change of clothing, a favorite toy, water, and milk. I need to change, put my makeup on, and pack my own stuff. Abby needs to get fed, read to, loved, and sometimes bribed into getting into the carseat. I start by brushing my teeth, reading to Abby, packing a healthy snack, and then I look at the clock. It's 9:00am. Oh, I think. Plenty of time since we don't have to get to church until 10:10am. That's like one hour. Plenty of time!! WRONG.
Fifteen minutes later, Abby is only diaper-clad but well-fed, I'm still in my pajamas, and I'm starting to get into panic mode because I realize that if we need to get to church by 10:10am, then we have to get out of the driveway by 9:50am. That means leave the house by 9:40am. That means have everything packed and ready to go by 9:30. And it's already 9:15!! Fifteen minutes. During these next fifteen minutes, craziness ensues in my head. I'm running around frantically trying to put my contacts in so that I can start putting my makeup on, pulling a dress over Abby, who is screaming in protest, and praying that I don't forget to pack the milk.
Enter Danny. He takes literally 2 minutes to get ready, on a non-shower morning. On a shower day, it's 3 minutes. Puts on his uniform: jeans and a t-shirt, brushes his teeth, and slaps on some water on his face. I'm ready, he proclaims. Gr. He sees that I need help with Abby so he asks, what can I do? I give him two tasks: get the milk ready and make sure Abby has a change of clothing.
He goes off on his mission. I'm still freaking out, thinking why are we always late?? We have to show up early to help out at church, and everyone's going to be mad that we're late, AGAIN. And as I'm applying my mascara, I hear faint noises coming from the living room. I open our bedroom door.... it's the piano! Danny is playing Invention No. 8 by Bach - a lively and catchy tune. But I'm standing there in disbelief. Why is he playing the piano at a time like this!!! We have two minutes until we're officially on our way to being late for church. So I march out there and demand to know if he's accomplished his tasks. He has. Oh. OK then.
He just doesn't feel the stress of getting to places on time. I feel it ever so acutely, and yet I feel so powerless to change the situation. Danny just gets ready faster than I do. He helps out with what he can with Abby's stuff. Then he's done. Nuff said. Done deal. GGeut. But I spend so much time stressing out that maybe that's the reason why I'm late all the time. Plus, I procrastinate and I'm lazy sometimes. I want to be able to get to the point where I just get ready without all the stress, and then have a couple minutes left over to play a round of Invention No. 8. Teach me, O wise one.
I admit it. I'm a stressed out person. Most people see the calm, collected, "Capricorn" Jieun. And it's not that I fake people out; it's just that the stress is all inside. I expect Danny to match how I'm feeling. When I'm excited about something, I need him to be as excited.
WHAT!? You found out your customer's Mary Kay foundation color is Beige 304? That's with a pink undertone, right? WOWZERS!
When I feel stressed, I need him to feel stressed as well. But it seems that my husband doesn't stress out in exactly the same way that I do in exactly the same situations. For example, when we need to get ready to go out, say to church on Sunday morning, I feel stressed. I need to pack the baby's bag with snack, lunch, diapers, a change of clothing, a favorite toy, water, and milk. I need to change, put my makeup on, and pack my own stuff. Abby needs to get fed, read to, loved, and sometimes bribed into getting into the carseat. I start by brushing my teeth, reading to Abby, packing a healthy snack, and then I look at the clock. It's 9:00am. Oh, I think. Plenty of time since we don't have to get to church until 10:10am. That's like one hour. Plenty of time!! WRONG.
Fifteen minutes later, Abby is only diaper-clad but well-fed, I'm still in my pajamas, and I'm starting to get into panic mode because I realize that if we need to get to church by 10:10am, then we have to get out of the driveway by 9:50am. That means leave the house by 9:40am. That means have everything packed and ready to go by 9:30. And it's already 9:15!! Fifteen minutes. During these next fifteen minutes, craziness ensues in my head. I'm running around frantically trying to put my contacts in so that I can start putting my makeup on, pulling a dress over Abby, who is screaming in protest, and praying that I don't forget to pack the milk.
Enter Danny. He takes literally 2 minutes to get ready, on a non-shower morning. On a shower day, it's 3 minutes. Puts on his uniform: jeans and a t-shirt, brushes his teeth, and slaps on some water on his face. I'm ready, he proclaims. Gr. He sees that I need help with Abby so he asks, what can I do? I give him two tasks: get the milk ready and make sure Abby has a change of clothing.
He goes off on his mission. I'm still freaking out, thinking why are we always late?? We have to show up early to help out at church, and everyone's going to be mad that we're late, AGAIN. And as I'm applying my mascara, I hear faint noises coming from the living room. I open our bedroom door.... it's the piano! Danny is playing Invention No. 8 by Bach - a lively and catchy tune. But I'm standing there in disbelief. Why is he playing the piano at a time like this!!! We have two minutes until we're officially on our way to being late for church. So I march out there and demand to know if he's accomplished his tasks. He has. Oh. OK then.
He just doesn't feel the stress of getting to places on time. I feel it ever so acutely, and yet I feel so powerless to change the situation. Danny just gets ready faster than I do. He helps out with what he can with Abby's stuff. Then he's done. Nuff said. Done deal. GGeut. But I spend so much time stressing out that maybe that's the reason why I'm late all the time. Plus, I procrastinate and I'm lazy sometimes. I want to be able to get to the point where I just get ready without all the stress, and then have a couple minutes left over to play a round of Invention No. 8. Teach me, O wise one.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Lasagna
I made lasagna for the second time in my life. I used already-cooked lasagna strips. Very interesting! It was a huge time-saver. And, one lasagna dish can last you FOREVER! It's like my curry rice dish that lasts for two weeks in the Chai household. I'm definitely adding lasagna to my cooking rotation. Thanks Melissa for the ingredients advice!!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
GUYS ONLY
Here is a picture of Danny and some of his buds from college. Henry, Danny, and John all have one toddler (plus John has an infant who is not pictured).BTW: I love how Abby is reaching out to me, the picture taker. "Mah-mee!"
I was honored to be invited to this year's "road trip" that was GUYS ONLY for many years. I kind of felt personally responsible for making sure that people who traveled a great distance felt that their money was well-spent. Since Danny and I only had to drive to Santa Cruz, it just made sense for us to take care of local business.
But I had a huge dilemma. Since it was GUYS ONLY for such a long time, I'm not sure if they knew what a trip with GIRLS and KIDS would be like. As the weekend approached, I felt stress coming on. Who was planning the meals? What entertainment would be provided for the little tots? Was there a DVD player available? Does the beach house have cooking utensils? Does little Mary speak English? What CAN Nathaniel eat? Is it cold in Santa Cruz? Are we going to spend some time at the beach playing or just looking at the waves? Are the Yoons coming? Where is Andrew? Will Abby fight with Nathaniel? Will this be madness or happiness?
Part of it is being a mom and making sure I prepare for plan A through plan E, for the sake of my child. Another part of it is my people-pleasing personality. Still another part was the fact that I felt like we should be the "hosts," since it was in the Bay Area.
I decided to ask Danny what we should do in preparation for this trip. He just stared blankly at his computer screen and said, "I don't know. Um, I think we'll hang out at the beach." Hm... what does that mean? Should I pack all the beach necessities? Beach toys? Umbrella and towels? Sunblock! Hats, water shoes, etc.
Then I had a brilliant idea! I should call Henry! He seemed to be the top planner/organizer of the group, and will surely have an answer for me. "Henry, what should we do about breakfast on Friday, and meals in general?" His answer for me was: "We don't plan."
Hm... what does that mean? Does that mean therefore I shouldn't plan? That if I DO plan I will not be invited to any other road trips? But how can I NOT plan? This trip potentially involves FOUR babies, THREE women, and FIVE men. We'll be staying in a house in a neighborhood unbeknownst to any of us. Who knows what we will face? As a woman, "Be prepared" is my heart's natural motto. You don't even have to remind me to be prepared, I just do it instinctively.
So my dilemma was: Shall I go with the mantra of "we don't plan" and then watch four babies die, three women cringe, and five men thrive? Or shall I take matters into my own hand and do what I can so that four babies thrive, three women thrive, and five men thrive?
Needless to say, I planned for this trip. Not completely, but I did what I could to ease my stress, anxiety, and make sure that needless chaos doesn't happen. Normal, controlled chaos is fine with me, but why add needless chaos? I just hope Henry wasn't mad that "we don't plan" method was sabotaged. My number one priority was to make sure the kiddies would be fed and entertained. I shopped at Costco and Safeway for some essential breakfast food and toddler food. As for entertainment, I brought books, basket of toys, soft surface for kids to roll around on, alphabet mat, and the rest of the time, pretty much Uncle Dave took care of all the entertainment!
Anyways, I had a great time! Even though the only real time I can relax is when Abby is sleeping, I still had a generally relaxing and fun this this past weekend. My favorite part was when I walked in on the guys having a prayer meeting where they shared about what was going on in their lives and then prayed for each other. I didn't hear anything (because I forgot my glasses and one of my eye was swollen shut from a bug bite, and I really can't hear when I can't see), but it just warmed my heart to think that these guys really care about each other. I'm glad my husband has great friends like them that will surely last a lifetime.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Abby Speaks
The following is a list of some of the vocabulary words that Abby says nowadays. Now, at first glance, the novice might say "Come on! Puh-lease! That's not saying real words. They all sound alike! How can you tell what she's saying?" Well, that's when I have to step in and say, "It's all about context."
boo-boo: any kind of minor scratch
boo-buh: blueberries
bubba: bubbles
bah: book
buh: bird
baa: the sound of a sheep
ba!: ball
baa!: balloon
buppa: por favor, which means "please" in Spanish
She'll point to her bandaid and say "boo-boo" and "aya" to let me know that she got hurt and it's quite painful. She'll point to blueberries and say "boo-buh," and I promptly ask, "What do you say?" To which she replies with "buppa," accompanied by the sign for "thank you."
It's really fun watching Abby develop her language/communication skills. That's the part I love about parenthood so far. I'm in charge of educating her, shaping her, and influencing her in all different ways. I have the power to make sure she turns out polite. I have the power to influence her thinking about God and other people. I need to teach her the right ways. With great power comes great responsibility. Very true! I could be very irresponsible and teach her the "wrong ways." For example, I could say to her that she's supposed to pick her nose every time she meets someone. And she'll do it. But then I will have ruined her whole entire social life, possibly affecting her chances of getting married, and she'll be very mad at me.
Perhaps that was an outrageous example. But does the reader get my point? With great power comes great responsibility. I am in awe of that every single day.
boo-boo: any kind of minor scratch
boo-buh: blueberries
bubba: bubbles
bah: book
buh: bird
baa: the sound of a sheep
ba!: ball
baa!: balloon
buppa: por favor, which means "please" in Spanish
She'll point to her bandaid and say "boo-boo" and "aya" to let me know that she got hurt and it's quite painful. She'll point to blueberries and say "boo-buh," and I promptly ask, "What do you say?" To which she replies with "buppa," accompanied by the sign for "thank you."
It's really fun watching Abby develop her language/communication skills. That's the part I love about parenthood so far. I'm in charge of educating her, shaping her, and influencing her in all different ways. I have the power to make sure she turns out polite. I have the power to influence her thinking about God and other people. I need to teach her the right ways. With great power comes great responsibility. Very true! I could be very irresponsible and teach her the "wrong ways." For example, I could say to her that she's supposed to pick her nose every time she meets someone. And she'll do it. But then I will have ruined her whole entire social life, possibly affecting her chances of getting married, and she'll be very mad at me.
Perhaps that was an outrageous example. But does the reader get my point? With great power comes great responsibility. I am in awe of that every single day.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Abby is Walking!
Two days ago, Abby started taking three steps on her own. Before it had been steps with aid from people and props. But she took three wobbly steps before collapsing delightfully into my arms. Then yesterday she took 5-7 steps. She would stand up, beaming with delicious pride, and then take a couple of tentative steps, followed by some quick ones at the end.
Overall, I feel great about her gaining independence. It's so amazing how the physical separation is so apparent, from birth to weaning from nursing to walking away on her own. My little girl is growing up, and I'm excited to see it!
She signs "please" like crazy. It's her universal sign for anything that she wants. Sometimes she'll wail loudly for something that she wants, such as to be held so that she could reach the blinds. I look at her and say, "Say please, Mommy." Then she immediately stops and starts rubbing her chest furiously in a circular motion with her palm, smiling broadly. It's like a game to her. I like how I don't have to listen to her wail, but it has become ridiculous. She sits there and signs "please" from across the room. And I don't even notice until a couple minutes later. She doesn't get that you're supposed to sign things once you've made eye contact. In fact, she frequently waves to people to mean hello when they're not looking.
Poor Abby! I totally understand this behavior. I do this all the time. I often say things to people at the wrong moment, and I'm left hanging. I try to enter conversations from across the room, and end up commenting to myself.
Overall, I feel great about her gaining independence. It's so amazing how the physical separation is so apparent, from birth to weaning from nursing to walking away on her own. My little girl is growing up, and I'm excited to see it!
She signs "please" like crazy. It's her universal sign for anything that she wants. Sometimes she'll wail loudly for something that she wants, such as to be held so that she could reach the blinds. I look at her and say, "Say please, Mommy." Then she immediately stops and starts rubbing her chest furiously in a circular motion with her palm, smiling broadly. It's like a game to her. I like how I don't have to listen to her wail, but it has become ridiculous. She sits there and signs "please" from across the room. And I don't even notice until a couple minutes later. She doesn't get that you're supposed to sign things once you've made eye contact. In fact, she frequently waves to people to mean hello when they're not looking.
Poor Abby! I totally understand this behavior. I do this all the time. I often say things to people at the wrong moment, and I'm left hanging. I try to enter conversations from across the room, and end up commenting to myself.
Monday, April 16, 2007
The Quest to Sleep Earlier
Lately Danny and I have been trying really hard to go to sleep early. Danny starts off the evening saying, "We're going to be in bed by 9:30pm." And I try really hard to believe that that's going to be true. But it never is true. I wonder why Danny is so extreme sometimes. We're used to sleeping at midnight, on average. If that's the case, why choose 9:30pm as a goal? Why not 11:30pm? I think I've suggested it before, but he'll insist, "I'm exhausted. I need to sleep. We're going to bed at 9:30pm."
But I'll be supportive. 9:30pm it is. That's our goal. To be in bed by 9:30pm. Tonight, it was a little off. I'm writing this at 11:56pm. There's always tomorrow.
But I'll be supportive. 9:30pm it is. That's our goal. To be in bed by 9:30pm. Tonight, it was a little off. I'm writing this at 11:56pm. There's always tomorrow.
Friday, April 06, 2007
A Moment in the Frozen Food Aisle II
I realized that I never talked about my "moment" in the frozen food aisle in my last post! So here it goes...
I went to the Korean grocery store to buy some groceries. I had just picked up Abby from daycare and I hadn't seen her all day. So we spent time reconnecting while she rode happily in the shopping cart. I went over all the tricks she knows, reviewed all the body parts she knows (her favorite is still belly button), and even sang some songs to her, while grabbing some green onion here and soft tofu there.
When we got to the frozen food aisle, she suddenly reached out her arms to me. At first I thought she was done riding in the cart and wanted to "go down." However, as I drew close, she wrapped her little arms around me as much as she could, and lay down her head on my stomach. She just wanted to give me a hug! So, I hugged her back, and then she promptly started patting her hand on my back because that's how we always comfort her: pat pat pat. As she pat pat patted me, we had our "moment." Right there in the frozen food aisle, next to the meat and kimchee dumplings.
I went to the Korean grocery store to buy some groceries. I had just picked up Abby from daycare and I hadn't seen her all day. So we spent time reconnecting while she rode happily in the shopping cart. I went over all the tricks she knows, reviewed all the body parts she knows (her favorite is still belly button), and even sang some songs to her, while grabbing some green onion here and soft tofu there.
When we got to the frozen food aisle, she suddenly reached out her arms to me. At first I thought she was done riding in the cart and wanted to "go down." However, as I drew close, she wrapped her little arms around me as much as she could, and lay down her head on my stomach. She just wanted to give me a hug! So, I hugged her back, and then she promptly started patting her hand on my back because that's how we always comfort her: pat pat pat. As she pat pat patted me, we had our "moment." Right there in the frozen food aisle, next to the meat and kimchee dumplings.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
A Moment in the Frozen Food Aisle
I went shopping for a total of four hours today! My purchases: Stride Rite shoes for Abby, Shiseido compact, Shiseido shimmering lipstick, Shiseido blemish concealer, gift for Abby's friend's birthday, two pajamas for Abby, khaki blazer for me, a make-up/toiletry bag, dulce de leche latte, a petite vanilla scone, jacket for Abby, robe for Abby plus slippers, sippy cups for Abby, reclining chair for the floor, and pink leggings for Abby.
A true shopping spree!
Those of you who know me know that I take FOREVER purchasing an item. I have to research it, look at it up close, weigh all the pros and cons, and then do the "love test," which is to leave it behind for said number of hours/days, and then finally buy it.
Today, I put Abby in daycare, and decided it was time to go to the mall and buy something. Over the past one and a half years I've collected gift cards, always tentative about using them because I needed to make the perfect purchase. Having so many gift cards in my purse was driving me crazy! So I had to take action. And I took it.
Out of all the items I bought today, I spent a total of $36 out-of-pocket. Everything else was through gift cards and/or exchange. This is totally unheard of. The make up and blazer alone would total about $200! Wow. Thank you to all who have given me a gift card in previous years to Nordstrom, Gymboree, GAP, Starbucks, Target, Sephora, American Express Giftcard, and Macy's. I've used up everything except for the Gymboree giftcard and the Starbucks giftcard. Whew.
I had a lot of fun! I took my time. I compared prices. I returned items and adjusted prices so that I could get the maximum out of all my purchases.
A true shopping spree!
Those of you who know me know that I take FOREVER purchasing an item. I have to research it, look at it up close, weigh all the pros and cons, and then do the "love test," which is to leave it behind for said number of hours/days, and then finally buy it.
Today, I put Abby in daycare, and decided it was time to go to the mall and buy something. Over the past one and a half years I've collected gift cards, always tentative about using them because I needed to make the perfect purchase. Having so many gift cards in my purse was driving me crazy! So I had to take action. And I took it.
Out of all the items I bought today, I spent a total of $36 out-of-pocket. Everything else was through gift cards and/or exchange. This is totally unheard of. The make up and blazer alone would total about $200! Wow. Thank you to all who have given me a gift card in previous years to Nordstrom, Gymboree, GAP, Starbucks, Target, Sephora, American Express Giftcard, and Macy's. I've used up everything except for the Gymboree giftcard and the Starbucks giftcard. Whew.
I had a lot of fun! I took my time. I compared prices. I returned items and adjusted prices so that I could get the maximum out of all my purchases.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Painful Year
I guess I haven't written in a while. I meant to write in the new year, but I got too busy, and then after a while, it gets harder and harder to start writing again.
I have done some reflecting on this past year and a half. I would say that 2006 (and part of 2005) was the hardest year of my life.
1. Morning Sickness
Just thinking about that time when I was doubled over, staring into the toilet... it amazes me that women who go through bad morning sickness can do it all over again. I remember I was holding onto a single thread of hope that somehow this sickness was going to turn into a beautiful human being. It was 3-4 months of nausea, throwing up, and general ickiness. Chris Tomlin's "Indescribable" was a song that I kept listening to over and over, to somehow convince myself that the God who made the "stars in the sky" and who "know(s) me by name" already had a plan for all this. Even as I was in the emergency room with an IV to rehydrate my body, I somehow believed that things would work out. I took a spiritual gifts inventory recently, and faith was up there as one of my gifts. It probably came in handy during this time.
2. Labor/Delivery
When labor finally came, it was everything that women told me it would be, except with bite! It was just one of those things that you actually had to go through in order to truly understand what it was. I still can't fully explain how a contraction feels. But it's just painful. But I will say this. For me, I knew with certainty that labor wouldn't last for more than three days. My whole labor/delivery ordeal lasted about 30 hours. I was a trooper, if I do say so myself. It was painful, but I took the pain, and then it was over.
3. Postpartum/Nursing
I think this is the part that a lot of women don't talk about as much. Everyone knows to be scared of morning sickness and labor/delivery. But not everyone knows that postpartum and nursing should be things to be scared of the most. I couldn't decide which was worse, 16 weeks of postpartum stuff/nursing or 16 weeks of morning sickness. I think I recently decided that postpartum/nursing was more painful.
The reasons are many:
1) Trying to go pee or poo after birth was a screaming kind of pain.
2) Pressure of nursing (societal) and getting it right (blisters, bleeding, engorgement, chafing, clogged ducts, etc.) was so not fun.
3) Emotionally, I was so down in the dumps, and very volatile
4) Sleep deprivation (whereas during morning sickness days I was able to just think about myself, during postpartum I had to think of my baby as well)
5) People not knowing that postpartum is so difficult, whereas with morning sickness when you tell people that you're sick, they might know what that feels like. I couldn't really explain to people who asked how I was doing that I actually was not feeling that great.
"My nipples are bleeding at this time."
"I just went pee and now I think I'm burning to death."
I think people expected that mothers may be a bit sleep-deprived, but I think for me, there was so much going on emotionally and mentally, on top of what was happening physically. This takes me into the next topic.
4. Relationships
My relationships suffered this past year.
a. Mother - On top of everything I was going through physically, emotionally, and mentally, here was my sweet mother trying to help me out the best way she knew how. Her knowledge base was all things Korean, and I just wasn't ready to receive all things Korean. We got into a lot of fights, and a lot of tears were shed.
b. Friends - I got into a lot of misunderstandings with friends. Some were mended, and some were not. My life was in major transition, and for sure things were going to change. I was not prepared sufficiently for the change that would happen with friends. I'm still grieving the loss of some friends. But one thing I realized is that I can not, and WILL not hold onto any bitterness. I know what bitterness does to a person. I've seen what it does to a person. And I refuse to let Satan have a foothold in my life. So when a friend is gone from my life, for whatever reason, I just make sure that I don't hold any grudge or bitterness.
c. Danny - I'm sure Danny was going through his own kind of transition into fatherhood. I think I didn't fully realize what that would look like. I was hyper-focused on myself. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm this and that. I just expected him to be there for me fully. And he disappointed me. We went through our greatest ups and greatest downs this past year. It was very painful. It just shook my world (and my ego) to think that we need a lot of help as a couple.
6. Motherhood
For the first 5 months, I was stressed out. I was stressed when Abby started crying. I was stressed about swaddling her just right. I was stressed about finding daycare for Abby when I went back to work outside the home. I was stressed about her sleep schedule. I was stressed about breaking her fragile body. I thought about all the possible horrible things that could happen to her. I really had to turn to God for help on this one. I'm still learning how to treat Abby as a gift from God. Everything I do for her, I need to do it excellently, but then entrust the rest to God. That's the skill of mothering that I'm continually trying to hone.
Gosh, if you've read this far, then I applaud you. I just wanted to write down my reflections before I forget.
I have done some reflecting on this past year and a half. I would say that 2006 (and part of 2005) was the hardest year of my life.
1. Morning Sickness
Just thinking about that time when I was doubled over, staring into the toilet... it amazes me that women who go through bad morning sickness can do it all over again. I remember I was holding onto a single thread of hope that somehow this sickness was going to turn into a beautiful human being. It was 3-4 months of nausea, throwing up, and general ickiness. Chris Tomlin's "Indescribable" was a song that I kept listening to over and over, to somehow convince myself that the God who made the "stars in the sky" and who "know(s) me by name" already had a plan for all this. Even as I was in the emergency room with an IV to rehydrate my body, I somehow believed that things would work out. I took a spiritual gifts inventory recently, and faith was up there as one of my gifts. It probably came in handy during this time.
2. Labor/Delivery
When labor finally came, it was everything that women told me it would be, except with bite! It was just one of those things that you actually had to go through in order to truly understand what it was. I still can't fully explain how a contraction feels. But it's just painful. But I will say this. For me, I knew with certainty that labor wouldn't last for more than three days. My whole labor/delivery ordeal lasted about 30 hours. I was a trooper, if I do say so myself. It was painful, but I took the pain, and then it was over.
3. Postpartum/Nursing
I think this is the part that a lot of women don't talk about as much. Everyone knows to be scared of morning sickness and labor/delivery. But not everyone knows that postpartum and nursing should be things to be scared of the most. I couldn't decide which was worse, 16 weeks of postpartum stuff/nursing or 16 weeks of morning sickness. I think I recently decided that postpartum/nursing was more painful.
The reasons are many:
1) Trying to go pee or poo after birth was a screaming kind of pain.
2) Pressure of nursing (societal) and getting it right (blisters, bleeding, engorgement, chafing, clogged ducts, etc.) was so not fun.
3) Emotionally, I was so down in the dumps, and very volatile
4) Sleep deprivation (whereas during morning sickness days I was able to just think about myself, during postpartum I had to think of my baby as well)
5) People not knowing that postpartum is so difficult, whereas with morning sickness when you tell people that you're sick, they might know what that feels like. I couldn't really explain to people who asked how I was doing that I actually was not feeling that great.
"My nipples are bleeding at this time."
"I just went pee and now I think I'm burning to death."
I think people expected that mothers may be a bit sleep-deprived, but I think for me, there was so much going on emotionally and mentally, on top of what was happening physically. This takes me into the next topic.
4. Relationships
My relationships suffered this past year.
a. Mother - On top of everything I was going through physically, emotionally, and mentally, here was my sweet mother trying to help me out the best way she knew how. Her knowledge base was all things Korean, and I just wasn't ready to receive all things Korean. We got into a lot of fights, and a lot of tears were shed.
b. Friends - I got into a lot of misunderstandings with friends. Some were mended, and some were not. My life was in major transition, and for sure things were going to change. I was not prepared sufficiently for the change that would happen with friends. I'm still grieving the loss of some friends. But one thing I realized is that I can not, and WILL not hold onto any bitterness. I know what bitterness does to a person. I've seen what it does to a person. And I refuse to let Satan have a foothold in my life. So when a friend is gone from my life, for whatever reason, I just make sure that I don't hold any grudge or bitterness.
c. Danny - I'm sure Danny was going through his own kind of transition into fatherhood. I think I didn't fully realize what that would look like. I was hyper-focused on myself. I'm sick. I'm tired. I'm this and that. I just expected him to be there for me fully. And he disappointed me. We went through our greatest ups and greatest downs this past year. It was very painful. It just shook my world (and my ego) to think that we need a lot of help as a couple.
6. Motherhood
For the first 5 months, I was stressed out. I was stressed when Abby started crying. I was stressed about swaddling her just right. I was stressed about finding daycare for Abby when I went back to work outside the home. I was stressed about her sleep schedule. I was stressed about breaking her fragile body. I thought about all the possible horrible things that could happen to her. I really had to turn to God for help on this one. I'm still learning how to treat Abby as a gift from God. Everything I do for her, I need to do it excellently, but then entrust the rest to God. That's the skill of mothering that I'm continually trying to hone.
Gosh, if you've read this far, then I applaud you. I just wanted to write down my reflections before I forget.
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