Do you know one of my pet peeves is Cal/Stanford rivalry? Let me explain. As background information, I think both Cal and Stanford are fine institutions. They're just different. Public vs. private, for one. The list goes on. Having majored in Asian American Studies, I think Cal would have been a better choice for me in terms of academic niche.

But why so much pride? And why so much hatred? On both sides? Cal friends of mine are sometimes saying things like, "Go bears for life," and other such "til-death-do-you-part" statements. Even those who go on to grad school at Stanford, who sometimes spend more time at Stanford than at Cal, are blue and gold forever. Is it friendly loyalty? Or is there something more?

And Stanford people sometimes think they're above it all. "Oh, those Cal people are always hurting the tree at Big Games. I don't know why they're sooo into the rivalry. I'm not." Oh please. You're as proud as they are. Just maybe expressed differently. You know you like to flash around your Stanford name to impress. You know you want your kids to go there. You know you're so proud and pompous in your heart.

There have been little snippets of hope. For reconciliation. For healing. When we were in Seattle, Danny was too timid to go up to a Stanford basketball guy, so Miriam (a Cal grad) lets go of her pride and shouts with all of her might, "Go Cardinal!!!" And the tall basketball player hears it across the street, gives a fist punch of recognition, and walks on. That, to me, is reconciliation and healing. It was a moment when loyalty to a friend was more important than loyalty to what school you went to. We need more of these moments, where people from Cal are willing to say things like, "Yeah, Stanford's a good school. In fact, I'm going to grad school there," and people from Stanford are willing to say, "Wow, Cal won the Big Game? That's great!"

Maybe I'm being too idealistic. I don't care. I still believe in the power of love. "Don't be a hater." I'll be the first person to say that I like Cal. I have many dear friends from Cal. I wish I went to Cal for a summer to take some classes with Takaki. I think Cal is cool.

Should I try yoga?

Another wedding. This one took me back to the past. They got married at the same place we got married, so it was cool reminiscing. Then we had this elaborate Chinese banquet-style dinner at Ming's, which was where we had our rehearsal dinner two years ago. Brought back a lot of memories. I've talked about this a lot before, but I'm not sure if I ever wrote about it. I always tell Danny that I want to get married again in ten years. A renewal of vows, but this time, do the wedding the right way. :) For most people, planning a wedding is really the first wedding that they plan, so they don't know what to expect. Wouldn't it be great to plan a wedding after you've been through it once already? For example, you would know how to:

1. Choose a dress that you really really like
2. Schedule a make-up person that you really like
3. Go with a photographer that you really like
4. Tell the hair person how to adjust the veil so that it can come off later
5. Invite only those people that you really like
6. Ask some friends to take pictures of you with your own camera so that you don't have only the professional photographer taking pictures
7. Allocate about 7 to 8 hours total for the whole affair, ceremony and reception and all
8. Have the wedding in LA, where your family doesn't have to drive up the 101, even when you told them to drive up the 5 because it's faster

I'm not saying that I didn't like my wedding. I loved it. The ceremony was wonderful. I just missed out on hanging out with people on account of poor planning. And really, that's the most important thing to me, to celebrate with people who are happy for us. So in ten years, hopefully we'll have a renewing of vows ceremony.

I will have seventeen kids this year. I already know six of the families because I had their older siblings! Have I been teaching for that long? This will be my fifth year of teaching. I definitely have a handle on things more now, but no matter how long you've been teaching, you still don't know what the first day of school will bring you. Serendipitous surprise or devastating disaster (practicing alliteration).

First day of school memories: (as a teacher)

1. Parent walking in with a video camera filming her cute little kid getting all her supplies out
2. A shy girl whose huge eyes welled up with tears because she was afraid to start third grade
3. Disruptive kid walking into the classroom saying, "Oh great. What are we going to do in here." (I should've known the minute he walked in to control the situation! He caused me trouble all year. If I run into a student like that NOW, I would make him walk back into the classroom with a better attitude, and keep doing it until he gets it right. But what did I know back then. He ended up getting suspended during the year for throwing a chair in my class, and by the end of the year he got kicked out of school.)
4. A girl who loved school that said, "I love school! I don't want to leave!" and gave me a big hug at the end of the first day.

I wonder how the first day of school will be this time. Will tell of all the drama soon...

I spoke too soon. Olympic gymnastics is actually not over. One more day of Carly Patterson and Paul Hamm. Tonight I watched men's pommel horse and rings, women's uneven bars and vault. There is an uncanny resemblance between Teng Haibin of China (gold medal winner for pommel horse) and my brother Giwoong. I was shrieking with laughter because I didn't know that my older brother had been secretly training for China's men's gymnastics team. :) I called home, and urged my family to watch and see if I was right. There were murmurs of agreement.

Anyways, on to my emotions. Lately I've been feeling a bit off. I can't quite explain what I mean, but in different social settings, I would go into it saying, "I'm not going to be so outgoing or weird and all-out today. I'm just going to act normal." There are many things wrong with this statement. First of all, the fact that I'm mentally preparing myself before a given situation says that I'm not being truly myself. Second, NORMAL?? Me?? When does that ever happen? If you ever see me "being" normal, you can be assured that it's all an act. For some reason I don't want to be the real me, maybe because I'm tired of taking initiative, tired of getting rejected, tired of being vulnerable to people. I'm not sure what it is. Third, being a natural extrovert, I receive energy from being with people. But when I go into a situation saying that I will not socialize as much with other people, I'm purposefully not receiving any strength or energy from others. And this affects me later on, after I leave the situation. Because I did not receive the proper amount of recharging from others, I go away feeling dissatisfied, and end up wanting to hang out with people more. But of course, my friends aren't going to be there for me at midnight or whatever ungodly hour I go to bed, so then I start to feel like I have no friends. Which is absurd. And I know this cycle all too well. I go through periods of feeling like no one wants to hang out with me, but really, it's because I start believing lies that come in when I try to ACT a certain way that is not ME.

Is this crazy? Does anyone else do this? Go into a situation saying that they will not be their natural selves. The mere fact that I do this is weird. And weirdness is a quality that becomes me. So in essence, maybe I'm still being myself.

Olympic gymnastics holds a special place in my heart. From "Nadia" the movie to Mary Lou Retton, from Amy Chow to my new hero Carly Patterson, I have thoroughly enjoyed watching gymnastics every four years. When I was younger I would get some masking tape and create a makeshift balance beam on our living room floor. I would perform my little heart out, and always end up getting a 10! As a 26-year-old, I still have to do cartwheels while watching Olympic gymnastics. I'm so glad I found people with whom I can share this itch.

Now that gymnastics is over, and my heart can beat normally again, the Olympics is over for me. I have no desire to watch anymore. Did you know that there is Olympic walking??? We watched it at midnight, and it was ridiculous! There's also trampouline flipping. So random.

I saw John Park get married this weekend. Woohoo! He snagged a good one. I've been to so many weddings, it's hard to really get into each wedding that we go to nowadays. I try really hard not to fall into that attitude of "what? another wedding??"

At this particular wedding, I really liked the message. The husband is called to love his bride, and the wife is called to respect her groom. It's a simple cycle; yet it's so hard. I'm sure Danny gets tired of loving me sacrificially, as Christ did for the Church. How can man be expected to do something so supernatural as giving up one's life for his wife? And yet husbands are called on that high of a level to love. I think this is why I really think that the guy should pursue after the girl, and show his love to her by reaching out. It's a picture of how God pursues us, and sacrifices Himself for us.

And I'm sure I'll get tired of respecting Danny all the time (although this has never happened). Through all his career pursuits (which are many and varied, mind you), all of his hobbies (including reading Spiderman comics on the computer, playing Fantasy baseball, Mindsweeper, etc.), and all of his decisions big and small, I'm called to respect him. I think I can do that. I'm willing to do that. I want to do it. In fact, I promised to do that! Every year I'm discovering exactly what I promised when I said "I do" on that June day in 2002. :) My main concern that day was to not ruin my make-up, which was moot because the make-up sucked anyway. I only scratched the surface of knowing what it means to be married.

The message this weekend renewed my sense of what a marriage is supposed to look like. Marriage is great!

I am such a ham. I know it. I accept it as a part of me. I used to take offense at people saying, "You're such a ham!" But that's all past me. I am a ham. Ham I am. We have to do this skit in Chinese class for the oral final. And I think some people would just prefer not to be up there. The teacher even said, "You don't have to act. Just memorize your lines." What??!! Not ACT? In a skit? I was pretty much shocked at what she said. But then I looked around and saw that many in the class were not cut from the same ham as I. In fact, most people would rather crawl under a turtle shell and stay there learning Chinese. Even if my tones are all off, and I'm the worst one in the class, I still love to get up there in front of the class to take in the spotlight. Ham I am.

New thing I learned about my Chinese. My teacher told me that my "r" sound was sounding a lot like "r/l", which is interesting because I was purposefully doing the "r/l" sound. Why, you ask? Because that's what I heard, so I was just replicating the sound. But, it turns out that I was hearing it wrong. So she corrected me to say it as purely "r" and not "r/l."

The thing is, I think being Korean-American helped me be flexible. If I were just Korean, I don't think I would be able to distinguish or even produce that sound. Or at least it would be really difficult. In the Korean language, there is no "r" sound. There's only "r/l" and pure "l" sound. That's why my mother had a terrible time saying "girl". It came out as "gull".

Because I learned English at such an early age, I have the ability and the ease to distinguish between the "r" and "r/l" sound. Thank you.

As much as I love learning Chinese and taking this class, I will be so glad when finals are over this Friday. And then on to LA for a wedding!

I've been taking a three-week intensive Chinese course for the past two weeks. I have one more week left, and I just have to say that I love it and I hate it. I love it because it brings me closer to my lifetime goal of TEN languages, it allows me to write a letter to my friend Carey in Chinese, and it takes me on field trips to Cupertino Village to interview various shopkeepers. I hate it because the the characters are so freakin hard to learn, I'm slower than the rest of the native Chinese people in the class, and I've been sleeping every day for the past two weeks at 3am doing homework or studying for a quiz! But I love it more than I hate it. So it's all good.

Another thing I LOVE doing is hosting people/having people over. Why, you ask? I grew up never really being able to ask my friends to sleep over comfortably. No extra room. Two brothers walking around styling their hair and flexing their muscles in front of the mirror. No real space to comfortably call it a "guest room". So now that we have this awesome two-room apartment, I totally want to share it with my friends and offer it to people who need a place to crash. Latest overnight guests: Christine, Barbara, Marshall, Carey, and Jean! I should have kept a guest comment book so people can sign and give us suggestions, etc. :)

Guess what!  I GOT MY EARS PIERCED!  It's really a significant event for me.  It's not like I'm twelve, and I just got my ears pierced.  I'm 26 and I just got my ears pierced!  My whole life, I wanted my ears pierced.  Ever since I was young, I begged my mom, "Can I get my ears pierced?"  I would say, "If I can't get my ears pierced, then I want a dog!"  My mom is simply not a dog person.  So, she ended up saying no to both.  She said that when I'm 18, I can do whatever I wanted.  So by the time 18 rolled around, I had developed a sense of pride about not having my ears pierced.  I was different.  I was UNIQUE.  But inside I still really wanted it.  I remember being jealous of Karen's way-cool blue skeleton earrings.  They dangled and everything! 

So I just denied myself of it, lost interest for a while, and wanted it again a couple years back when I got married.  But I knew my mom would have a fit if she saw me on my wedding day with my pierced ears.  She's not opposed to jewelry, I realized, because she pushed for me to get clip-on earrings.  She is just freaked out about body piercing of any kind. 

So when I was in Korea earlier this month, I mentioned to her that I wanted to get my ears pierced and she exclaimed, "No!" with a look of terror on her face.  Geez.  Then when I came back, I realized that I'm 26 now, and I can pretty much make my own decisions. 

So when Brittany said let's do something "wild and crazy" this past week, I suggested LET'S GET MY EARS PIERCED!  So I did.  Thanks to Brittany, Miriam, and Minho who loved and supported me through the process. 

And kudos to Danny for noticing when I picked him up from the airport at 1:30am! 

By the way, please don't tell my mother yet.  I'm still thinking of a way to gently let her know.    

Hi, here am I in Korea. My native country. Motherland. We're at Cheju Airport, at an internet kiosk, killing some time before we get back to Seoul. We were ecstatic to find that there's internet available here at the airport, for our convenience. Danny was especially happy.

So Danny pretty much underwent a drastic change in hairstyle and glasses. Glasses in Korea are soooo cheap! I might get a pair myself.

I don't have a good book to read. Miriam recommended Tess of the D'urbervilles to me, and I'm slowly going through it. But let me tell you, it's a hard read! I can barely understand the English. I need something more easy. Got any other recs under your sleeve, Miriam? Anyone else have a recommendation for me? Anything with Asian themes, racism/prejudice, romance, mother/daughter relationships, and the like will do. I'm willing to expand a bit, too.

We should probably get going to the boarding gate...

So far, we've enjoyed being Korean tourists. Danny is very into being a tourist and seeing the local sights, so it's been very fun. Also, we went with a group that's from LA, so we met people from the LA area. Mostly families with kids going to Sunny Hills or UC Irvine. We were the oddballs. More later!

Today I went to a wedding. One out of like 10 weddings this year! People are dropping like flies. Taking the oath of matrimony. Go marriage!

I'm glad that Danny doesn't like dancing, just like me. I mean, I'll dance sometimes. Here and there. But I don't truly enjoy it. I'm talking about the freestyle shakin' your booty, lookin' cool or dorky, depending on who you are, kind of dance. Don't get me wrong. I love choreographed dance, ballroom dancing, modern dance (kinda), etc. But dancing at weddings is difficult for me.

Back in high school and college, dances were just not my cup of tea. I watched all my friends go to dances, and take those dance pictures, and pass those dance pictures around at school. I know that lots and lots of people do like dancing, and I admire their ability to enjoy the carefree nature of hopping around and gyrating to musical tunes, without feeling self-conscious. But me, I guess I didn't get that gene.

Since I have a lot of time on my hands, I organized our books on our two bookshelves. The books are organized loosely in the following categories: small-sized books, Asian-American literature, Christian, programming, Education-related books, Danny's fiction, Jieun's fiction, Resources, foreign language textbooks and books, and dictionaries. Please, feel free to borrow any of our books. Just make sure to sign in. I lent When My Name Was Keoko by Linda Sue Park to Hanah. I thought she might find it a bit interesting. OK FINE. I'm trying to convert everyone into Asian/Asian-American literature fans!

But really. What is Asian-American? Asian America? How did we come to this place? I honestly think that my life would have been much simpler if I were raised in Korea. No cultural barriers to worry about. I don't know. I guess you can argue that it's just one layer among many problems in life. Sure.

But thinking about it in the grand purpose of life, I think God has a purpose for creating Asian-Americans. As he does for other people who are bicultural. I guess the movement of people into new lands has always been in the Bible. Abraham did it. Moses. Ruth. That's how God wanted to reach other people. Through people. I was reached through my mom, who was reached through a door-to-door missionary somewhere in Korea. He was reached by someone, and before that guy, and so on, and so on, until probably the first missionary in Korea in the 1800s. I'm just guessing here, but if this were true, then I'm a product of the first missionaries who went to closed Korea, who were white Westerners from somewhere in Europe or America. And now South Korea sends out missionaries like crazy to all over the world.

Missions is fascinating to me. The history of the world can be looked at in terms of church history and missions. Where did you hear about Jesus?

I learned a new word the other day by reading Janice's blog: svelte. I don't even know how to pronounce it! But I had to look it up on dictionary.com to find out that it means slim, or thin. I know this embarrasses Danny, the fact that my vocabulary is weak, that I have different ways of pronouncing words, and that I don't know some American idiomatic phrases. Sometimes I'll ask after using a big word - what does that mean? And Danny's like, how can you use the word if you don't know what it means? It's just that I like the word, and guess the meaning by using it the way I think it should be used. Then I clarify. Nine times out of ten I use the word wrong.

About four year ago, I saw a can of soup in Danny's apartment, and I said, "Ooh, minestrone!" But the way I pronounced it was MINE - STRONE, two syllables. Danny gave me an incredulous look, and said, "You're kidding, right?" I said, "What! Whatcha lookin' at?" He replies, "It's MIN-E-STRONE-EE, four syllables." I truly believed that I was right, and we even got a third party involved. I was moded. Faced. Owned. Oh well. Who likes minestrone anyways?

Speaking of getting worked, I went to my first modern dance class tonight. We didn't leap like a deer, like I had imagined. We pranced like a horse. I wasn't sure whether or not to laugh out loud in the middle of class, or just get really into it, and reap the benefits of pure cheeziness. I have to admit, though, it was fun. If you're a cynical person, modern dance is not for you. I have a slightly sarcastic personality, and I was struggling not to let that get in the way of getting in shape and sculpting my body. But if you're full on sarcastic or cynical, you might not get into it. When the instructor yells, "Prance like a horse, turn around, jump, hop, skip, fall, and leap!" you just have to do it. Inhibitions let go...

He made a comment tonight that I liked. There is no rhythm in modern dance. You go to your own inner rhythm. I like that. Danny would hate it. He's all about being on beat and having GOOD rhythm. Modern dance is definitely my style: slightly weird and out of rhythm.

Saturday is our church picnic. Hooray! Danny and I are in charge of bringing a tuna pasta salad and water bottles. I just have to say, the tuna pasta salad is a hit at parties. I'm not sure exactly why, but when I got the recipe from Susan two years ago, I was reluctant to try it at first. Could it be THAT great? But little did I know. It was a star ready to be born. It's my go-to dish now for potlucks. And several people have asked me for the recipe since. So here it is... It is for sure a success at parties, so try it out! Thank you Susan!!!

Tuna Pasta Salad
Serves 5-7 people

1 bag of colored rotelli pasta (the spiral ones)
1 can of tuna (the smaller size)
¼ cup chopped parsley
¼ cup chopped basil
½ red onion – sliced
cherry tomatoes – quartered (as many as you like)
½ bottle Best Food Italian dressing

1. cook pasta

2. while pasta is cooking, chop up parsley and basil and mix with Italian dressing in a separate bowl.

3. mix dressing in with the cooked pasta. **you might want to mix in only half of the dressing to soak into the pasta, and mix the rest in right before you serve it.

4. Then mix the tuna, sliced red onion, and quartered tomatoes

I signed up for Modern Dance class this summer. Should I practice before going? Be a tree. Jump like a deer! I wonder what class is going to be like. I will keep you all posted.

Well, school is done! I'm done with report cards, done with my teacher duties for this year. I'd like to thank all of you who supported me through this whole process, the sympathetic looks, the care package, and many encouraging pep talks. I'd like to thank my students who were the inspiration behind the 4-paragraph comment section. Thank you also to the wonderful parents who have provided me with lovely gifts: flowers, gift certificates to nice restaurants, lotion, and much more. And last but not least, I'd like to thank my husband Danny, who has been a great support throughout the whole process. Without his constant care and partnership, I would not have been available to accomplish all that I did. Thank you!

Status report: 7 more report cards to write. I see a faint light at the end of the tunnel.

A surprise was waiting for me when Danny and I came home last night. Someone had left a care package for me in front of our door! Wow. My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude. But the person had left it anonymous. I have no clue who could have given me such a treat. I suspect it's a girl, a teacher, and has a good memory. I say good memory because lo and behold, there were two Krispy Kreme donuts, unglazed and cold. Who would remember that I like unglazed, cold donuts except someone who has good memory?

I have a couple of people in mind, and I can't wait til she reveals herself to me so that I can pour out my thanks. But just in case she remains silent forever, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

When I have a lot to do, and am stressed, I do so many extraneous things to try and avoid doing my work or reward myself for reaching certain goals. So this past week, during report card writing week, I watched like six episodes of 24, I finished a book (The Secret Life of Bees, which is about racism), and I cleaned out the closet in the guest room.

In college, during midterms or finals, I used to put on different shades of lipstick, read about make-up applying tips from different fashion magazines, and catch up on my correspondence. My roommate Patty thought I was weird. She was always a diligent worker who studied normally. BTW, she's getting married this weekend! And I will be co-emceeing with Joe. More stress. But it should be fun.

4 report cards down. 12 more to go. I take almost two hours writing one of these! I didn't quite reach my goal of completing five this weekend, but I'm glad I got started on them. They're due Thursday. So until then, I will be a bit stressed. And then more stress for the weekend because I'm emcee-ing at a wedding. And then comes jury duty for a week. And then my 2nd year wedding anniversary! And then a trip to DC and NYC with girlfriends. And then a trip to Korea! And then relaxing and doing nothing. And then Chinese classes again this summer! And then another wedding in LA. And then back to school.