This is an entry I wrote a while back. It was only a couple of months ago, but I've changed so much since then...

"You know, it is hard to maintain your independence
once you are married. I guess the very nature of
being married is being one. But, I would have to say
that I am distinctly an individual apart from Danny,
as well as one with him. Sort of like the trinity.
All God, but all man. Three persons, one God. You'll
never figure it out.

So anyways, I was thinking about this because Henry
said something interesting. (Yes, Henry!) He treats
me as if I were Danny. Or, in other words, he acts
exactly the same way to me as he does Danny. (Maybe
not EXACTLY, but pretty closely.) That is so
interesting. I don't think I treat married couples
that way. I definitely treat Henry differently than I
do Lorraine.

So going back to my point, I feel like I've been
losing my independence. I know I shouldn't. On good
days, I realize that I CHOOSE to give up my
individuality for the sake of us being one in mind and
heart. For example, we have certain roles in the
home. Danny takes out the trash and I cook. Those
are roles that we set for each other. We chose to
divvy them up. It's not that as individuals we can
not perform the tasks. Like, before Danny, I took out
the trash all by myself. And I'm sure Danny cooked
something to eat sometime. But now we have CHOSEN to
give up the right/privilege ? as individuals to rely
upon one another. That's why when I'm gone on a trip,
people ask if Danny is starving, and offer to cook him
dinner. Because they inherently know that that was my
role. In other marriages I'm sure it's different who
takes what role, etc. And when Danny goes away, I get
shocked that I have to take out the trash. At first I
am numb and will ignore the task. But when it becomes
unbearable, I have to exert all my energy in taking
out the trash. When thinking about this objectively,
it is absurd! I was quite the capable woman before I
got married. I'm not saying that I'm not capable
anymore; I just forget to assert my individuality
sometimes.

OK, so here's the point of my whole entry. I just
write this entry and send it to Danny, who then puts
it up for me. I was totally fine with it, but now,
I'm thinking, what if I want to control this myself?
I don't have the darndest idea how to put up my own
thoughts on the web. Xanga? Should I go that route?
Bloggers? Javascript? ohmy! What am I talking
about? I have no clue. So anyways, this is what I'm
thinking. I want to be in charge of my own thoughts
page so as to assert my individuality, as I am in a
happy marriage that celebrates the idea of oneness."