Eight Things I Want to do Before I Die

8. Learn to speak 10 languages.
7. Visit most of Europe, Asia, and South America.
6. Write a children's book with Asian American themes.
5. Learn how to do a back handspring.
4. Go on a long-term missionary trip.
3. Appear in a movie or TV show as the lead actress.
2. Raise at least three kids.
1. Play with my grandchildren.

Nine Ways To Win My Heart

9. Accepting my weirdness and quirkiness by taking them in stride during social interactions. Usually boring people can't handle my eccentric behavior, and so I have to restrain myself sometimes.

8. Some of you who know me know that I have a lot of gas. It's just a part of my immune system. Someone who says, "I think it smells sweet" is definitely worthy of my heart.

7. Quirkiness. I find normalcy boring to tears. Quirkiness adds spice to life, makes life colorful and fun. It's very important to me.

6. Someone who writes me a poem or a song.

5. Someone who tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. And be completely serious.

4. Someone who knows exactly what I'm thinking and feeling without me ever saying anything.

3. Strong principles. A man who lives out his principles is very attractive. On the other hand, a principled man is also usually very stubborn.

2. Nerdiness. OK, not like totally and completely nerdy to the point of tears, but not cool and slick. Intelligence is a no-brainer, but my guy can't be cooler than me. I'm slightly nerdy, so he would have to be nerdier than me.

1. Sappiness. Able to be genuine in feeling, and not prone to complete sarcasm or hard-core cynicism or extreme pessimism.

I think of Danny as someone who won my heart, and is still winning my heart. Kind of like salvation. You're saved once and you are continuously being saved, working out your salvation with fear and trembling. So, Danny has won my heart once and for all, and he is continuing to win my heart on a daily basis.

10 Random Things About Me

10. I have a serious gas problem. Only a chosen few have suffered the wrath of it.

9. I was on a "nationally televised" game show called "Kidquiz" when I was in the sixth grade. I was the team captain.

8. I had a wart removed by laser from my left index finger.

7. I was pressured to like someone on New Kids on the Block, so I picked Danny.

6. I love striking up conversations in Chinese with people.

5. I have a slightly upturned nose and huge nostrils that I try to hide by smiling wide and tilting my face downward a little.

4. My brothers used to say that "the universe has only one black hole, but Jieun has two!" (referring to #5)

3. I put my right contact in first, always. I take out my left contact first, always.

2. When I hear an interesting word or phrase, I count out the syllables with my fingers and re-count them again and again, trying out different patterns with my fingers.

1. I listen to K-Love every day, on the way to work and on the way back.

It's insane how many times a week Danny views the short video footage of Ellie, our niece. And if you've been over at our home this past month, at some point you probably have seen the clip, ...twice. We took our XBox ("mod-ed", so basically our whole entertainment system) with us down to LA this past weekend, so my MOM saw Ellie too! Actually, it's cute. I think it's cute that Danny thinks Ellie is cute. Meeting her has profoundly affected Danny's innermost being. I'm sure he'll be a great uncle. And an even greater father one day.

Thanksgiving dinner was happenin' at the Park household. My mom and I cooked all day. She did most of the prep work for the turkey and a lot of cleaning. I just messed up the kitchen and cooked up a storm. It was nice.

I had some time to spend with my dad going last-minute shopping. I got to teach my mom the difference between "green beans" and "grean peas," because apparently the word for "bean" in Korean refers to the actual bean or pea inside the pod or stalk. So when I asked her to get grean beans for the casserole I was going to make, the picture on the green beans can confused her because they were green stalks. So, she got the cans of green peas, which had a picture of things that actually looked like beans to her. Anyways, after a long debate/discussion, and after recovering from my disappointment that everything wasn't perfect, I made a green pea casserole!

I helped my mom join Curves. I hung out with my brothers, which means either watching TV together or watching them play video games. The XBox was a hit with my brothers. Danny scored one point!

AND, before we began eating dinner, we all went around and shared a couple of things we're thankful for. How traditional and cheesy. And no one laughed. No one was sarcastic, although, one of my brothers tried to be, but I think the presence of my mother kept him on track. It was definitely memorable.

The Park family's first Thanksgiving feast. History in the making. My mom is usually out of the country during Thanksgiving time, but this year, I convinced her to come back to the USA during Thanksgiving so that we can cook together.

SO, Danny and I, my two brother, my parents, and my aunt will join forces and have dinner at the Buena Park home. We're having turkey, mashed potatoes, various side dishes (including one Korean side dish, jap chae), and dessert. I'm scared about the turkey. I'm using a recipe from allrecipes.com. If anyone has any tips for turkey roasting, please feel free to give them to me.

Some questions I have are: can I use chicken stock for the bottom of the roasting pan, instead of turkey stock? Do I have to have liquid on the bottom or not? Should I stuff the turkey with anything? Can I just not? I think everything else is pretty much taken care of. We'll see how Thanksgiving turns out this year.

I've been reading all about Desiree's adventures in New York City, and Penny's great enthusiasm about this place New York City. And I'm wondering, hm... what's the appeal? I've read all the highlights, and I live vicariously through the many wonderful descriptions. But what is it about New York that makes them and others talk about living in New York as such a separate dimension with mythical qualities?

Why can't I talk about Sunnyvale with this kind of passion? Highlights of living in Sunnyvale:

-all the stores closing at 8:00pm
-a Macy's department store located in a mall that is much more like a ghost town
-hardly any people walking around, ever
-everyone protected in their safe haven of a car, not having to interact with people if they don't want

It's just not a happenin' place, I'm realizing. Suburban life is way boring, compared to the glitz and glamour of city life. But here's the other realization. I love BORING. I love suburban life. It's what I know, and it's where I am, and it's probably where I'll be, if I had a choice in the matter. I don't think I would fare well in city life. My homebodiness would seem grossly disparate from the surrounding festivities, and would probably put a damp on all fun-lovers around me.

I think I'm being influenced by the recent book I'm reading: Tess of the D'urbervilles. Except Tess was a rural person who was afraid of town life and townspeople.

All this aside, I do want to visit New York City again. Big apple, hustle bustle, and all. I do have credit from Jetblue, from a trip I was supposed to take earlier this year.

Zits run in my family. It's more from the Yoon blood than the Park blood. There's no cure for acne, really. You can just treat it for the rest of your life. How sad. I went to the dermotologist for the first time in my life. After fourteen years of using topical creams such as Clearasil (which my mom still faithfully uses), I decided it's time to get some professional treatment.

Don't get me wrong. My acne is not that bad. I was lucky compared to my two brothers, who had to deal with a lot, and my mother, who went through depression in college as a result of bad acne. Me, I just go through sprinkles of white and blackheads all over my forehead and chin. And then periodically, a couple of deep, nasty, big ones will appear strategically and conveniently on very important days, such as weddings (including mine), and school picture days, to name a couple.

So anyways, I got some medicine that's supposed to clear up my skin. Check me out three months later.

"Mrs. Chai, do you know who my hero is?"

"Is it your mom?"

"Well, yes, one of them."

"How about your dad?"

"Uh-huh."

"And of course your sister!"

"Yes, and also there's one more."

"Who?"

"You."

Sniff. mmmmMMMMMMmmMMMmMMMMMMmmmMMMeeeeeeeeeEEEEEeeeeEEeeEE?

I'm ready for my day off on Thursday.

It was a perfectly normal Monday morning. We had just finished painting our Eygyptian tombs and were settling down for the day's Math lesson. Each table group was supposed to estimate the value of the base ten blocks that were placed on each table. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a student from table 4 starts to vomit. All over her Math sheet and base ten blocks. The student is as shocked as the rest of the class. She stands up and vomits on the floor. Then I rush her over to the trashcan to finish off the vomit.

Needless to say, my week didn't start off fine and dandy. I got paint all over my BR pants, I had to evacuate the room for fear of having all other sixteen kids throwing up from the vomit, and therefore did not get to finish my base ten blocks Math lesson, and now my room smells like vomit. I get a whiff of it every now and then. Fabulous.

Yesterday a student of mine, Chris, says to me, "Mrs. Chai, I think you should get all your work done right away after school, and then go straight home! Then you should take a nap, get up just to eat dinner, and then go back to sleep again. Get plenty of rest before coming to school again. " Boy, I must have looked so tired and sick for him to say that. Also, how SWEET! This is why I love my job. I have interactions like this every day. Pure, caring, innocent children who want to be peacemakers in this world.

I really love Ellie, my niece! We're not blood-related, but I felt a tug in my heart for her, the kind that makes you feel all at once in love with someone and all at once afraid to lose the person. Then I thought, my goodness! How much more does Christine feel that for her own daughter?? Then I took it a step further and thought, how much more does our heavenly Father love His children?

I'm here sitting at home because I'm sick. :( And my husband is coming home late tonight so I need to fend for myself. Wah. I hate being sick. I thought I was going to avoid the sickness thing this fall. I was so vigilant (new word I learned this year) about washing my hands, and putting anti-bacterial stuff on whenever I handled children. But alas. My sore throat is now egging on my chronic bronchial cough. Wah. Hopefully I can go to school tomorrow, but we'll see.

I hate missing school! Today was Book Report Day, and I feel like I let my kids down. They worked so hard to prepare their presentations, and I'm not even there to grade them. Also, it was Picture Day. Teachers get to take individual pictures for free! Last year, I got my free 5 by 7 photo and didn't know what to do with it, so I put it in one of our wedding photo frames (since I didn't really have a favorable picture from my wedding to put in it).

Anyways, I had to wake up at 5:30am this morning to call a sub, and then spent about 30-45 min. typing up a sub plan and sending it to the sub. Then I slept until noon. I decided to catch up on peoples' thoughts pages, and then decided to write one myself.

Growing up, I pretty much never went to the doctor or dentist. I only remember going once to the doctor to get a required shot. I don't remember ever going from fifth grade on. As for the dentist, I went regularly until sixth grade, when I got my braces. Then I don't remember ever going until I became an adult, which was about a decade later and I discovered I had fourteen cavities. I think my mom thought the orthodontist was the same thing as the dentist.

Our family was never one of those doctor-ish/scientific families. My mother was always into the latest Korean health fads that made no sense whatsoever. My dad was the same way. In fact, he would bring strange products home and say we should use them because it was "healthy." No further explanation. Once we had this product, a small plastic thing, that you were supposed to throw into the laundry, instead of laundry detergent. What the?? No powder, no liquid, no nothing. Just plastic, exuding some kind of magnetic force. And the stranger thing was, my mom TRIED it!

When I went off to college, my dad gave me a pillow to try out because it was "healthy." It was covered in some kind of gold foil material. Being a good, obedient daughter, I said OK. Even ask my freshman roommate Sabrina about my gold pillow. It was so uncomfortable!!! We had great laughs about it. It matched Sabrina's dress once for the Viennese Ball, so we took a picture of her holding it. I should see if I still have it!

Anyways, needless to say, I got sick often my freshman year.

I'm not sure if it was the gold pillow, or just the lack of knowing how to take care of myself. I never went to the doctor's, so I didn't know how to make an appointment for myself. I never really ate proper medicine, so I didn't know how to buy it for myself.

Today I'm a different person. I now know to go visit the doctor every year, and the dentist every twice a year. When the doctor prescribes something, I'm supposed to finish the whole prescription. When I have a cough, I should buy some cough drops or some kind of cough suppressant to help it die down. When I'm allergied, I should take an anti-histamine of some sort. Didn't know that til college. I watched my mom suffer from allergies my whole life, and I don't think she knew about Sudafed or Claritin. Sad.

I wonder how my brothers are doing in terms of health and teeth.

What is it about "Everybody Loves Raymond" that's so hilarious? There are moments where the actors have to pause for like 10 seconds to wait for the laughter to die down. I laugh out loud. The relationship between a husband and wife, and how it progresses over the years, is one of the main themes of the show. It's overly exaggerated, to the point of being comical. Yet, I can relate so well to the problems that come up between Ray and his wife.

OK. I can't keep a secret. I joined Curves. I was going to keep it all secret, go work out in stealth for a couple of months, trick everyone into thinking that I'm some sloth, and then say aha! I am buff. Tomorrow is my first time working out at the facility. I'm pretty nervous because I don't think I can hack it. But Curves has a lot of ways to motivate women like me. They have Curve Bucks, and if you earn them, you can buy merchandise with them. The way you earn is to be spirited and wear clothing related to the theme of the week, and if you attend regularly. EXTRINSIC MOTIVATION. Gotta love it. The guy who thought of Curves is a genius. And a great entrepreneur. Let's see if this will be the thing that will get me off of my butt. Have you thought of joining a Curves near you?

Do you know one of my pet peeves is Cal/Stanford rivalry? Let me explain. As background information, I think both Cal and Stanford are fine institutions. They're just different. Public vs. private, for one. The list goes on. Having majored in Asian American Studies, I think Cal would have been a better choice for me in terms of academic niche.

But why so much pride? And why so much hatred? On both sides? Cal friends of mine are sometimes saying things like, "Go bears for life," and other such "til-death-do-you-part" statements. Even those who go on to grad school at Stanford, who sometimes spend more time at Stanford than at Cal, are blue and gold forever. Is it friendly loyalty? Or is there something more?

And Stanford people sometimes think they're above it all. "Oh, those Cal people are always hurting the tree at Big Games. I don't know why they're sooo into the rivalry. I'm not." Oh please. You're as proud as they are. Just maybe expressed differently. You know you like to flash around your Stanford name to impress. You know you want your kids to go there. You know you're so proud and pompous in your heart.

There have been little snippets of hope. For reconciliation. For healing. When we were in Seattle, Danny was too timid to go up to a Stanford basketball guy, so Miriam (a Cal grad) lets go of her pride and shouts with all of her might, "Go Cardinal!!!" And the tall basketball player hears it across the street, gives a fist punch of recognition, and walks on. That, to me, is reconciliation and healing. It was a moment when loyalty to a friend was more important than loyalty to what school you went to. We need more of these moments, where people from Cal are willing to say things like, "Yeah, Stanford's a good school. In fact, I'm going to grad school there," and people from Stanford are willing to say, "Wow, Cal won the Big Game? That's great!"

Maybe I'm being too idealistic. I don't care. I still believe in the power of love. "Don't be a hater." I'll be the first person to say that I like Cal. I have many dear friends from Cal. I wish I went to Cal for a summer to take some classes with Takaki. I think Cal is cool.

Should I try yoga?

Another wedding. This one took me back to the past. They got married at the same place we got married, so it was cool reminiscing. Then we had this elaborate Chinese banquet-style dinner at Ming's, which was where we had our rehearsal dinner two years ago. Brought back a lot of memories. I've talked about this a lot before, but I'm not sure if I ever wrote about it. I always tell Danny that I want to get married again in ten years. A renewal of vows, but this time, do the wedding the right way. :) For most people, planning a wedding is really the first wedding that they plan, so they don't know what to expect. Wouldn't it be great to plan a wedding after you've been through it once already? For example, you would know how to:

1. Choose a dress that you really really like
2. Schedule a make-up person that you really like
3. Go with a photographer that you really like
4. Tell the hair person how to adjust the veil so that it can come off later
5. Invite only those people that you really like
6. Ask some friends to take pictures of you with your own camera so that you don't have only the professional photographer taking pictures
7. Allocate about 7 to 8 hours total for the whole affair, ceremony and reception and all
8. Have the wedding in LA, where your family doesn't have to drive up the 101, even when you told them to drive up the 5 because it's faster

I'm not saying that I didn't like my wedding. I loved it. The ceremony was wonderful. I just missed out on hanging out with people on account of poor planning. And really, that's the most important thing to me, to celebrate with people who are happy for us. So in ten years, hopefully we'll have a renewing of vows ceremony.

I will have seventeen kids this year. I already know six of the families because I had their older siblings! Have I been teaching for that long? This will be my fifth year of teaching. I definitely have a handle on things more now, but no matter how long you've been teaching, you still don't know what the first day of school will bring you. Serendipitous surprise or devastating disaster (practicing alliteration).

First day of school memories: (as a teacher)

1. Parent walking in with a video camera filming her cute little kid getting all her supplies out
2. A shy girl whose huge eyes welled up with tears because she was afraid to start third grade
3. Disruptive kid walking into the classroom saying, "Oh great. What are we going to do in here." (I should've known the minute he walked in to control the situation! He caused me trouble all year. If I run into a student like that NOW, I would make him walk back into the classroom with a better attitude, and keep doing it until he gets it right. But what did I know back then. He ended up getting suspended during the year for throwing a chair in my class, and by the end of the year he got kicked out of school.)
4. A girl who loved school that said, "I love school! I don't want to leave!" and gave me a big hug at the end of the first day.

I wonder how the first day of school will be this time. Will tell of all the drama soon...

I spoke too soon. Olympic gymnastics is actually not over. One more day of Carly Patterson and Paul Hamm. Tonight I watched men's pommel horse and rings, women's uneven bars and vault. There is an uncanny resemblance between Teng Haibin of China (gold medal winner for pommel horse) and my brother Giwoong. I was shrieking with laughter because I didn't know that my older brother had been secretly training for China's men's gymnastics team. :) I called home, and urged my family to watch and see if I was right. There were murmurs of agreement.

Anyways, on to my emotions. Lately I've been feeling a bit off. I can't quite explain what I mean, but in different social settings, I would go into it saying, "I'm not going to be so outgoing or weird and all-out today. I'm just going to act normal." There are many things wrong with this statement. First of all, the fact that I'm mentally preparing myself before a given situation says that I'm not being truly myself. Second, NORMAL?? Me?? When does that ever happen? If you ever see me "being" normal, you can be assured that it's all an act. For some reason I don't want to be the real me, maybe because I'm tired of taking initiative, tired of getting rejected, tired of being vulnerable to people. I'm not sure what it is. Third, being a natural extrovert, I receive energy from being with people. But when I go into a situation saying that I will not socialize as much with other people, I'm purposefully not receiving any strength or energy from others. And this affects me later on, after I leave the situation. Because I did not receive the proper amount of recharging from others, I go away feeling dissatisfied, and end up wanting to hang out with people more. But of course, my friends aren't going to be there for me at midnight or whatever ungodly hour I go to bed, so then I start to feel like I have no friends. Which is absurd. And I know this cycle all too well. I go through periods of feeling like no one wants to hang out with me, but really, it's because I start believing lies that come in when I try to ACT a certain way that is not ME.

Is this crazy? Does anyone else do this? Go into a situation saying that they will not be their natural selves. The mere fact that I do this is weird. And weirdness is a quality that becomes me. So in essence, maybe I'm still being myself.

Olympic gymnastics holds a special place in my heart. From "Nadia" the movie to Mary Lou Retton, from Amy Chow to my new hero Carly Patterson, I have thoroughly enjoyed watching gymnastics every four years. When I was younger I would get some masking tape and create a makeshift balance beam on our living room floor. I would perform my little heart out, and always end up getting a 10! As a 26-year-old, I still have to do cartwheels while watching Olympic gymnastics. I'm so glad I found people with whom I can share this itch.

Now that gymnastics is over, and my heart can beat normally again, the Olympics is over for me. I have no desire to watch anymore. Did you know that there is Olympic walking??? We watched it at midnight, and it was ridiculous! There's also trampouline flipping. So random.

I saw John Park get married this weekend. Woohoo! He snagged a good one. I've been to so many weddings, it's hard to really get into each wedding that we go to nowadays. I try really hard not to fall into that attitude of "what? another wedding??"

At this particular wedding, I really liked the message. The husband is called to love his bride, and the wife is called to respect her groom. It's a simple cycle; yet it's so hard. I'm sure Danny gets tired of loving me sacrificially, as Christ did for the Church. How can man be expected to do something so supernatural as giving up one's life for his wife? And yet husbands are called on that high of a level to love. I think this is why I really think that the guy should pursue after the girl, and show his love to her by reaching out. It's a picture of how God pursues us, and sacrifices Himself for us.

And I'm sure I'll get tired of respecting Danny all the time (although this has never happened). Through all his career pursuits (which are many and varied, mind you), all of his hobbies (including reading Spiderman comics on the computer, playing Fantasy baseball, Mindsweeper, etc.), and all of his decisions big and small, I'm called to respect him. I think I can do that. I'm willing to do that. I want to do it. In fact, I promised to do that! Every year I'm discovering exactly what I promised when I said "I do" on that June day in 2002. :) My main concern that day was to not ruin my make-up, which was moot because the make-up sucked anyway. I only scratched the surface of knowing what it means to be married.

The message this weekend renewed my sense of what a marriage is supposed to look like. Marriage is great!

I am such a ham. I know it. I accept it as a part of me. I used to take offense at people saying, "You're such a ham!" But that's all past me. I am a ham. Ham I am. We have to do this skit in Chinese class for the oral final. And I think some people would just prefer not to be up there. The teacher even said, "You don't have to act. Just memorize your lines." What??!! Not ACT? In a skit? I was pretty much shocked at what she said. But then I looked around and saw that many in the class were not cut from the same ham as I. In fact, most people would rather crawl under a turtle shell and stay there learning Chinese. Even if my tones are all off, and I'm the worst one in the class, I still love to get up there in front of the class to take in the spotlight. Ham I am.

New thing I learned about my Chinese. My teacher told me that my "r" sound was sounding a lot like "r/l", which is interesting because I was purposefully doing the "r/l" sound. Why, you ask? Because that's what I heard, so I was just replicating the sound. But, it turns out that I was hearing it wrong. So she corrected me to say it as purely "r" and not "r/l."

The thing is, I think being Korean-American helped me be flexible. If I were just Korean, I don't think I would be able to distinguish or even produce that sound. Or at least it would be really difficult. In the Korean language, there is no "r" sound. There's only "r/l" and pure "l" sound. That's why my mother had a terrible time saying "girl". It came out as "gull".

Because I learned English at such an early age, I have the ability and the ease to distinguish between the "r" and "r/l" sound. Thank you.

As much as I love learning Chinese and taking this class, I will be so glad when finals are over this Friday. And then on to LA for a wedding!

I've been taking a three-week intensive Chinese course for the past two weeks. I have one more week left, and I just have to say that I love it and I hate it. I love it because it brings me closer to my lifetime goal of TEN languages, it allows me to write a letter to my friend Carey in Chinese, and it takes me on field trips to Cupertino Village to interview various shopkeepers. I hate it because the the characters are so freakin hard to learn, I'm slower than the rest of the native Chinese people in the class, and I've been sleeping every day for the past two weeks at 3am doing homework or studying for a quiz! But I love it more than I hate it. So it's all good.

Another thing I LOVE doing is hosting people/having people over. Why, you ask? I grew up never really being able to ask my friends to sleep over comfortably. No extra room. Two brothers walking around styling their hair and flexing their muscles in front of the mirror. No real space to comfortably call it a "guest room". So now that we have this awesome two-room apartment, I totally want to share it with my friends and offer it to people who need a place to crash. Latest overnight guests: Christine, Barbara, Marshall, Carey, and Jean! I should have kept a guest comment book so people can sign and give us suggestions, etc. :)

Guess what!  I GOT MY EARS PIERCED!  It's really a significant event for me.  It's not like I'm twelve, and I just got my ears pierced.  I'm 26 and I just got my ears pierced!  My whole life, I wanted my ears pierced.  Ever since I was young, I begged my mom, "Can I get my ears pierced?"  I would say, "If I can't get my ears pierced, then I want a dog!"  My mom is simply not a dog person.  So, she ended up saying no to both.  She said that when I'm 18, I can do whatever I wanted.  So by the time 18 rolled around, I had developed a sense of pride about not having my ears pierced.  I was different.  I was UNIQUE.  But inside I still really wanted it.  I remember being jealous of Karen's way-cool blue skeleton earrings.  They dangled and everything! 

So I just denied myself of it, lost interest for a while, and wanted it again a couple years back when I got married.  But I knew my mom would have a fit if she saw me on my wedding day with my pierced ears.  She's not opposed to jewelry, I realized, because she pushed for me to get clip-on earrings.  She is just freaked out about body piercing of any kind. 

So when I was in Korea earlier this month, I mentioned to her that I wanted to get my ears pierced and she exclaimed, "No!" with a look of terror on her face.  Geez.  Then when I came back, I realized that I'm 26 now, and I can pretty much make my own decisions. 

So when Brittany said let's do something "wild and crazy" this past week, I suggested LET'S GET MY EARS PIERCED!  So I did.  Thanks to Brittany, Miriam, and Minho who loved and supported me through the process. 

And kudos to Danny for noticing when I picked him up from the airport at 1:30am! 

By the way, please don't tell my mother yet.  I'm still thinking of a way to gently let her know.    

Hi, here am I in Korea. My native country. Motherland. We're at Cheju Airport, at an internet kiosk, killing some time before we get back to Seoul. We were ecstatic to find that there's internet available here at the airport, for our convenience. Danny was especially happy.

So Danny pretty much underwent a drastic change in hairstyle and glasses. Glasses in Korea are soooo cheap! I might get a pair myself.

I don't have a good book to read. Miriam recommended Tess of the D'urbervilles to me, and I'm slowly going through it. But let me tell you, it's a hard read! I can barely understand the English. I need something more easy. Got any other recs under your sleeve, Miriam? Anyone else have a recommendation for me? Anything with Asian themes, racism/prejudice, romance, mother/daughter relationships, and the like will do. I'm willing to expand a bit, too.

We should probably get going to the boarding gate...

So far, we've enjoyed being Korean tourists. Danny is very into being a tourist and seeing the local sights, so it's been very fun. Also, we went with a group that's from LA, so we met people from the LA area. Mostly families with kids going to Sunny Hills or UC Irvine. We were the oddballs. More later!

Today I went to a wedding. One out of like 10 weddings this year! People are dropping like flies. Taking the oath of matrimony. Go marriage!

I'm glad that Danny doesn't like dancing, just like me. I mean, I'll dance sometimes. Here and there. But I don't truly enjoy it. I'm talking about the freestyle shakin' your booty, lookin' cool or dorky, depending on who you are, kind of dance. Don't get me wrong. I love choreographed dance, ballroom dancing, modern dance (kinda), etc. But dancing at weddings is difficult for me.

Back in high school and college, dances were just not my cup of tea. I watched all my friends go to dances, and take those dance pictures, and pass those dance pictures around at school. I know that lots and lots of people do like dancing, and I admire their ability to enjoy the carefree nature of hopping around and gyrating to musical tunes, without feeling self-conscious. But me, I guess I didn't get that gene.

Since I have a lot of time on my hands, I organized our books on our two bookshelves. The books are organized loosely in the following categories: small-sized books, Asian-American literature, Christian, programming, Education-related books, Danny's fiction, Jieun's fiction, Resources, foreign language textbooks and books, and dictionaries. Please, feel free to borrow any of our books. Just make sure to sign in. I lent When My Name Was Keoko by Linda Sue Park to Hanah. I thought she might find it a bit interesting. OK FINE. I'm trying to convert everyone into Asian/Asian-American literature fans!

But really. What is Asian-American? Asian America? How did we come to this place? I honestly think that my life would have been much simpler if I were raised in Korea. No cultural barriers to worry about. I don't know. I guess you can argue that it's just one layer among many problems in life. Sure.

But thinking about it in the grand purpose of life, I think God has a purpose for creating Asian-Americans. As he does for other people who are bicultural. I guess the movement of people into new lands has always been in the Bible. Abraham did it. Moses. Ruth. That's how God wanted to reach other people. Through people. I was reached through my mom, who was reached through a door-to-door missionary somewhere in Korea. He was reached by someone, and before that guy, and so on, and so on, until probably the first missionary in Korea in the 1800s. I'm just guessing here, but if this were true, then I'm a product of the first missionaries who went to closed Korea, who were white Westerners from somewhere in Europe or America. And now South Korea sends out missionaries like crazy to all over the world.

Missions is fascinating to me. The history of the world can be looked at in terms of church history and missions. Where did you hear about Jesus?

I learned a new word the other day by reading Janice's blog: svelte. I don't even know how to pronounce it! But I had to look it up on dictionary.com to find out that it means slim, or thin. I know this embarrasses Danny, the fact that my vocabulary is weak, that I have different ways of pronouncing words, and that I don't know some American idiomatic phrases. Sometimes I'll ask after using a big word - what does that mean? And Danny's like, how can you use the word if you don't know what it means? It's just that I like the word, and guess the meaning by using it the way I think it should be used. Then I clarify. Nine times out of ten I use the word wrong.

About four year ago, I saw a can of soup in Danny's apartment, and I said, "Ooh, minestrone!" But the way I pronounced it was MINE - STRONE, two syllables. Danny gave me an incredulous look, and said, "You're kidding, right?" I said, "What! Whatcha lookin' at?" He replies, "It's MIN-E-STRONE-EE, four syllables." I truly believed that I was right, and we even got a third party involved. I was moded. Faced. Owned. Oh well. Who likes minestrone anyways?

Speaking of getting worked, I went to my first modern dance class tonight. We didn't leap like a deer, like I had imagined. We pranced like a horse. I wasn't sure whether or not to laugh out loud in the middle of class, or just get really into it, and reap the benefits of pure cheeziness. I have to admit, though, it was fun. If you're a cynical person, modern dance is not for you. I have a slightly sarcastic personality, and I was struggling not to let that get in the way of getting in shape and sculpting my body. But if you're full on sarcastic or cynical, you might not get into it. When the instructor yells, "Prance like a horse, turn around, jump, hop, skip, fall, and leap!" you just have to do it. Inhibitions let go...

He made a comment tonight that I liked. There is no rhythm in modern dance. You go to your own inner rhythm. I like that. Danny would hate it. He's all about being on beat and having GOOD rhythm. Modern dance is definitely my style: slightly weird and out of rhythm.

Saturday is our church picnic. Hooray! Danny and I are in charge of bringing a tuna pasta salad and water bottles. I just have to say, the tuna pasta salad is a hit at parties. I'm not sure exactly why, but when I got the recipe from Susan two years ago, I was reluctant to try it at first. Could it be THAT great? But little did I know. It was a star ready to be born. It's my go-to dish now for potlucks. And several people have asked me for the recipe since. So here it is... It is for sure a success at parties, so try it out! Thank you Susan!!!

Tuna Pasta Salad
Serves 5-7 people

1 bag of colored rotelli pasta (the spiral ones)
1 can of tuna (the smaller size)
¼ cup chopped parsley
¼ cup chopped basil
½ red onion – sliced
cherry tomatoes – quartered (as many as you like)
½ bottle Best Food Italian dressing

1. cook pasta

2. while pasta is cooking, chop up parsley and basil and mix with Italian dressing in a separate bowl.

3. mix dressing in with the cooked pasta. **you might want to mix in only half of the dressing to soak into the pasta, and mix the rest in right before you serve it.

4. Then mix the tuna, sliced red onion, and quartered tomatoes

I signed up for Modern Dance class this summer. Should I practice before going? Be a tree. Jump like a deer! I wonder what class is going to be like. I will keep you all posted.

Well, school is done! I'm done with report cards, done with my teacher duties for this year. I'd like to thank all of you who supported me through this whole process, the sympathetic looks, the care package, and many encouraging pep talks. I'd like to thank my students who were the inspiration behind the 4-paragraph comment section. Thank you also to the wonderful parents who have provided me with lovely gifts: flowers, gift certificates to nice restaurants, lotion, and much more. And last but not least, I'd like to thank my husband Danny, who has been a great support throughout the whole process. Without his constant care and partnership, I would not have been available to accomplish all that I did. Thank you!

Status report: 7 more report cards to write. I see a faint light at the end of the tunnel.

A surprise was waiting for me when Danny and I came home last night. Someone had left a care package for me in front of our door! Wow. My heart was overwhelmed with gratitude. But the person had left it anonymous. I have no clue who could have given me such a treat. I suspect it's a girl, a teacher, and has a good memory. I say good memory because lo and behold, there were two Krispy Kreme donuts, unglazed and cold. Who would remember that I like unglazed, cold donuts except someone who has good memory?

I have a couple of people in mind, and I can't wait til she reveals herself to me so that I can pour out my thanks. But just in case she remains silent forever, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

When I have a lot to do, and am stressed, I do so many extraneous things to try and avoid doing my work or reward myself for reaching certain goals. So this past week, during report card writing week, I watched like six episodes of 24, I finished a book (The Secret Life of Bees, which is about racism), and I cleaned out the closet in the guest room.

In college, during midterms or finals, I used to put on different shades of lipstick, read about make-up applying tips from different fashion magazines, and catch up on my correspondence. My roommate Patty thought I was weird. She was always a diligent worker who studied normally. BTW, she's getting married this weekend! And I will be co-emceeing with Joe. More stress. But it should be fun.

4 report cards down. 12 more to go. I take almost two hours writing one of these! I didn't quite reach my goal of completing five this weekend, but I'm glad I got started on them. They're due Thursday. So until then, I will be a bit stressed. And then more stress for the weekend because I'm emcee-ing at a wedding. And then comes jury duty for a week. And then my 2nd year wedding anniversary! And then a trip to DC and NYC with girlfriends. And then a trip to Korea! And then relaxing and doing nothing. And then Chinese classes again this summer! And then another wedding in LA. And then back to school.

It means a lot to me that Danny and I are going to Korea. The Republic of Korea is my birthplace. Seoul is my go-hyang, which means my hometown. The very essence of my soul still lingers in Seoul. He can finally see my essence. :) Not that Danny has never been to Korea. He just hasn't seen me interact with my extended family.

I've seen him in multiple family situations: Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Phyllis', Christmastime in Houston with his sister, her in-laws, and the whole entire church of Seoul Baptist, cousin Marshall and Peter in New York, cousin Maggie in Seattle, aunts and uncles galore, grandma, great-aunt, and much much more. I'm always blessed by his family. I think in general they like me and that's such a blessing.

I've said this before, but I always imagined myself marrying into a very Korean family. In fact, I prepared for it all my life. I know how to start a conversation with Korean parents, I know how many times I have to offer to wash the dishes, and I know how to cut fruit, among the many things written in the hidden code of conduct. Basically, I know what is expected of me as a daughter-in-law. However, my experience can be likened to that of studying really hard for a test, but finding out that instead of an essay exam, it's a multiple choice test. A multiple choice test is much more straight forward, to the point, and without frills. Now some may think, "Wow! Lucky! I want a multiple choice test!" The thing is, I was expecting an essay exam! I studied so hard. I'm better at taking writing tests because I get to show all my knowledge. In fact, I'm horrible at taking multiple choice tests. So on the one hand, I was a tiny bit disappointed that I didn't marry into a Korean Korean family.

However, don't get me wrong! It's not that I'm failing my multiple choice test. I studied so much that I can figure out the multiple choice test. I don't have to rely on innate test-taking skills. I've acquired enough knowledge to help me get through the multiple choice test. And when I look around at my other Korean-American friends who have married into Koreanized families, but wasn't expecting the essay question test, I see that they are suffering! They haven't studied the quotes to weave into their answers. They haven't memorized the key words that test readers are wanting to see, eager to see.

So I know I've got a good thing. I embrace it. I'm blessed by it. Hooray for multiple choice tests!

So back to my original point. I'm a little bit concerned as to how my extended family will react to Danny. Should I just say he's Chinese? haha. Well, he is "Chai-nese." So I wouldn't really be lying....

I guess what I'm saying is that it's harder for someone who studied for the multiple choice test (in Danny's case, since he's innately so good at multiple choice tests, I'm not sure if he even studied at all!) to enter into an essay question situation than the reverse. So it's harder for Danny than it is for me. I'm trying to imagine how my uncles would communicate with him. My cousins are ok in English, so they'll be able to understand him, but they'll respond to him in Korean. I can think of one uncle who's a quantum physics professor that might be able to communicate with him in a math or computer language. Other than that, I think it's just going to be a little bit uncomfortable. Which is fine with me, kinda. I just hope Danny studies a little for this test.

This is what some parent wrote on one of my student's homework paper: "Language and Math should never be MIXED. This is BAD MATH! Mrs. Chai, this was a poor Math exercise. There is too much language." The assignment had to do with identifying the different parts of a division equation, such as dividend, divisor, and quotient, reading and figuring out which is which, and answering True or False to certain statements about divison equations.

Anyways, I think it was a worthy assignment, but the comment just put a damper on my day. Having your professional integrity questioned is just not fun.

Anyways, SN, my parents did not pay a DIME for my college education. I worked through college. I always had some kind of job. I had the maximum amount of student loans, which I'm paying back right now, and for years to come. I received grants from the school, and applied for scholarships from outside sources. In fact, when I waited in the financial aid line at the start of every quarter (with Patty and James), the school paid me! Usually I had a little left over, which I used to buy books. I think finances should never stand in the way of education. I firmly believe this. We live in America, and where there's a will, there's a way. I hope you can find comfort in that. And sometimes, to be debt-free is... heaven. Literally.

There are two moments in my professional life that I can think of where the memory of it just makes me cringe and I can feel the bottom of my stomach filling with dread. The first moment was during an Ancient Egyptian PowerPoint presentation where my third graders performed in front of their peers, parents, and the principal. Two boys were talking about the god Thoth and what he was known for. All of a sudden, a noise interrupts. That familiar four-note melody that's immediately followed by a pop-up window displaying a message: "hello?" Danny had decided to IM me right at the moment when I could receive the maximum amount of embarrassment.

In that split second, while my students' faces turned towards me in bewilderment, I panicked. I quickly exited out of the message box, closed my Buddy Window box, and then acted like nothing happened.

Then all of a sudden, like a zit that keeps reappearing even after you pop it, another window appears with the same AOL tune: "are you there?" You see, I hadn't exited out of AOL Instant Messenger. I had merely closed the window. But I thought I had gotten rid of the problem!

So I quickly exited, told the boys to go on, and proceeded to call Danny on the phone to warn him not to AIM me anymore. But you see, there was a performance going on, and parents were there, the principal... Just thinking about that experience makes me feel ill. I ended up calling Danny and whispering so softly that he couldn't hear what the heck I was saying.

"Stop AIMing me," I managed to say.

"What? What are you saying?"

And then I feared that he might AIM me AGAIN to write "what are you saying?"

So I said in a louder whisper, "Please stop AIMing me. We're having a PowerPoint presentation right now!"

He answered back, also in a loud whisper, "Why don't you exit out of AIM?" Ha! Like I didn't think of that already.

Well, I couldn't stop the current performance, but when the next pair was up, I quickly exited out of the program and just tried to pretend it never happened. I sometimes relive that moment in my thoughts, when I saw my principal widen her eyes at this sudden interruption. I had a couple of nightmares about it. I also think of alternate solutions I could have used in that moment.

All I can say is, I'm glad that Danny used neutral language. Can you imagine the humiliation if he wrote something like, "hey baby, how YOU doin? You're hot!"

The second moment happened today. It is every teacher's worst nightmare to wake up in the morning and realize that she is late for school. And it happened to me. My principal called me today at 8:40am. I was totally and utterly in bed, sleeping. Didn't hear the alarm clock. Probably slept through it, or turned it off without knowing it, or set it to PM instead of AM so it never rang. I don't know. All I know is, I was late, my principal had to call me to wake me up, and I made everyone worry about me. I hate being irresponsible like that. Right now I'm trying to find a balance between receiving the grace that my colleagues extended to me and being hard on myself for being so stupid. :(

It's the end of an era. Friends are parting ways. Now I realize that there are many haters out there. Enemies, if you will. But why hate? Why not love? Friends, as you know, has been there with me through thick and thin for the past ten years. I stuck with them, and they were faithful to me. From age 16 to 26 I've watched Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Chandler become their own person.

ONE thing I have against the show was that there wasn't a great positive Asian American character. Ross's ex-girlfriend Julie was alright, but Rachel hated her, and she eventually got dumped by Ross. I just didn't feel that she really was accepted by the friends. Then there was actor Steve Park who played an analyst at Chandler's office. Joey asked, "Are all analysts geeks?" I thought that was offensive. And Chandler once made a joke, "Can there BE any more Kims?" about Korean Americans.

Although I loved Friends and will get all ten seasons on DVD eventually (I have 1-3 already), it's time for a cup of coffee at a new cafe. Better yet, it's time for a boba cafe.

(I can't believe I turned this entry into an "eracism"/pro-Asian American/pro-minority entry.)

I'm such a natural at computer programming! :) Haha. Just kidding. Any old person can do it. I just set up a Comments section on my page, and I'm so happy about it. Anyone want to write me something? A shout-out? An eprop perhaps?

I was trying to comment on Janice's page, when I realized that I have to be a xanga member to make comments on her page. I got so enraged that I decided to get a comments section for my page so that anyone who wanted to write a comment to me would be able to. Ha! Take that, xanga.

I went crazy with Mother's Day gifts this year. Mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and grandmother-in-law. Why not, I say. It's so nice to be surrounded by family and relatives who speak English and are in the same country. But all I have to say is, next year I'm sending a nice card. That's it.

I'm a horrible gift-giver by nature, and it's only in the past two years that I've been really trying to become a better gift giver. I remember growing up, I gave Karen the worst gifts ever. And she always gave me awesome gifts. I would always get things for people that I liked and not ones that I thought would make the receiver happy. To this day, I still cringe at the memory of me giving my then 11-year-old brother a solid colored T-shirt from Mervyn's. I thought he would jump up and down for joy because if I had received one, I would have jumped up and down for sure. But he was like, "Thanks." I wish I could go back and get him a super soaker water gun, baseball cards, a Nintendo game, or something like that.

The thing is, I think my younger brother is a good gift-giver. He thinks about what the other person likes, and then adjusts accordingly. For example, I still remember when he got me a Vineyard CD and the matching songbook. It blew me away! I love praise and worship music, and I love matching! Recently, he got us Trivial Pursuit (even though we already had that particular version) because he knew that Danny loves the game. How thoughtful.

My other brother, on the other hand, is not so much into gift-giving. It's not that he doesn't care about loved ones, but I think he thinks that it's philosophically ridiculous. I don't know. I don't want to misrepresent him. When it comes down to it, he knows and accepts that it's a part of society. He'll do it for social reasons, but chooses not to put too much emphasis on it. Since Mother's Day is coming up, and it's socially acceptable to give moms a gift, he was willing to chip in for a gift. But he didn't have to do anything besides give the money. Maybe it's just laziness.

Babies are people, too. But we can't expect them to be adults. The adults have to be the bigger people. Danny tries so hard to win babies' hearts, and then he gets so devastated when his affections aren't returned by little ones. And why shouldn't he? He treated the baby as a person, and when the baby didn't treat him with courtesy or respect or even acknowledge his presence, we tend to justify the babies' actions because "they're babies." And we as adults are expected to pick up the pieces of our hearts and move on when a child ignores our hellos and gestures of affection. The other day Ashley just stared at Danny and gave him a weird look when he said enthusiastically, "Hello!" I think she thinks he's kind of freaky. But the man tries so hard. Every time he sees her, he tries. He theorized that maybe kids don't respond to him because he's not physical enough with them. So at the end of the visit, he picked up Ashley and swung her up and down while she said, "Boing!" She loved it, and started liking him more. When he stopped, she said what any other child would say in that situation... "Again!" And of course by this time, Danny was tired, so he stopped. That was the end of her affections, and now I'm sure it'll be back to weird stares.

Wow, I have only six more weeks of school left. I started planning what my summer schedule would be, and already I'm busy as a bee. I'm always complaining that I never get enough sleep or rest, but then at the same time I'm always signing up for this and that, and making myself tired. These are all the things I want to do during my summer break: take Chinese class, tutor, exercise at 24 hour fitness, travel to DC, New York, and Korea, organize pictures, read books with Asian American themes, watch DVDs, go to three weddings, and swim. I can just see my non-teacher friends with other professional jobs cringe at this list of options I have for the summer. Actually, I can see my lawyer friends who are hating it at their jobs cringe when I mention my dilemma of how to spend a long vacation. Actually, I can see Danny cringing at this list. He's thinking, "Where am I in the list? Where is 'attend to all of Danny's needs' on the list?" :) Of course it's in there! You just have to look carefully. Read between the lines.

Anyways, my sister-in-law had a baby! I'm not ready to have kids. I think. The reason is that I think if I can't even take care of myself, how can I take care of a child? But I know all things are possible. I mean, I got married without knowing how to take care of Danny. And I still don't know, but I'm learning as I go. Who really knows how to be a good wife and a good mother from the get-go? Give me her number and let me call her up so we can chat.

I'm reading Purpose-Driven Life and learned that in all things we should do it for the glory of God. I've learned it before, but I'm learning it again. When I attend a Sunday worship service, I sometimes think about what I can get out of it, and if I didn't get anything out of it, I think man, I should have just stayed home. But the book was saying that we worship to benefit God. To glorify God. We attend Sunday service to glorify God. Not to get something out of it. I mean, it's a nice side effect, but it's not the primary reason. That's so deep. I live my life so selfishly that I'm having a hard time grasping this concept.

Alas, my metabolism has slowed down much since high school and college. I keep remembering the time when Christina, Patty, and I were at Kenneth Cole in Las Vegas, and we decided to share one dressing room for the three of us. I think most of us think we're smaller than we really are, so we got this shirt to try on in an extra small. It's one of those tight-fitting tops that you can where to a New Year's party, and it has a zipper on the side so you can wear it easily. However, we all had trouble getting the darn top on, and the two of us had to physically help the one person who was trying her hand at the extra small top. At one point, as we were trying to shove a head and two arms into the proper place, one of us gave up and yelled "Abort! Abort!" because it was clearly a failing mission. Ah. Good times. Our sides were hurting from the pain of laughter. I think you had to be there in order to understand how funny it was, and in order to laugh along with me as I tell this story.

Anyways, my point is, my body is not sixteen years old anymore. Nor is it twenty. Nor 25. Nay, it is now 26. I have to debate with myself now before I consume a Haagen Dazs ice cream bar. Oh well. And I most certainly choose to eat it every time. So much for self-control. Late twenties. Bring it on.







Here's me eating a crepe in Paris. Jambon and fromage (ham and cheese, I forgot the French word for "and"). A crepe in Paris is truly a wonderful experience.

This is a test.



Let's see if I remembered Susan's directions correctly. Woohoo! Thank you Susan Park. This picture is from last summer. It was our smallgroup when John was leading. I'm the one who's trying to be surprised and fobby all at the same time.

Went to Paris and London for spring break. Notre Dame was amazing. Westminster Abbey was fascinating. I wish I could just load up pictures like everyone else does. I know a little how to do it, but I know that Danny has his way of doing things, and I don't want to mess it up. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to use Canon or Photoshop, and how I should label them. I can't even differentiate between the multiple drives our computer has. In fact, I can't even find the dang pictures that we've stored somewhere on this computer that Eric Mao has built for us (by the way, a fabulous machine).

And how does Susan post up pictures on her blogger site?? How do you do it, Susan? You're some kind of wonderwoman.

I need to be a little more independent and find out how to do things on my own. I think being married, I've been relying too much on Danny to take care of everything. Especially since he's knowledgeable about computers, I thought just let him take care of everything. It would be wiser and more efficient. Relying on each other and co-dependency is necessary and good, but you take it to the extreme and ya can't even put up pictures by yourself! Gr. Anyone want to teach me?

Anyways, I think I took great pictures of various churches in Paris and London. I love how the sepia turns out when I use old churches as my subject. I would love to take my mom there someday. She would love it too. She's already hinting that she's never gone, and that her 60th birthday is coming up in a few years, and how nice it would be to travel through Europe...

I don't know how to take care of myself. Growing up, I always expected my mom to take care of me, which she always did. As an adult, I now rely on my husband to take care of me. And he does it so well. But I'm sick of being sick. I have such a weak body. I hate it. Whenever I get sick, I start coughing like a mad woman. I've had this ever since I was a young child. My mom claims it's because she was coughing like a mad woman during the time of my birth, one cold January night back in 1978. Whatever it is, it's very annoying. I think I wrote about this before, but I sometimes lose control of my bladder when coughing. Not total control, but just a little. I have to concentrate real hard. So that means when I'm coughing and walking at the same time, I have to stop walking. It's like chewing gum and walking at the same time. Impossible to do.

I already missed one day of school, which I hate doing. And, today I missed an all-day rehearsal of the school play. :( I just want to get better and be healthy.

Tonight is our school auction benefit. I get to dress up all pretty, and go have a free meal. I think Danny is glad that he isn't going anymore. I got him off the hook when I found out that a lot of the faculty members are not bringing their significant others. But I'm not sure if I'm up for schmoozing tonight. I just want to eat my meal, and then leave. I hope I can weasel my way out gracefully.

The fifth graders at our school are earning merits for helping teachers in the classroom. It's part of their Civil War unit. HOORAY! Two of them are taking down my Ancient Greece bulletin board as I write. Ah. I always get a ton of things done around the classroom during Civil War time.

I love my job. I feel very lucky. I only hear about how people hate their jobs, grow dull to the pain and suffering involved with their jobs, or run away from their jobs back to school. Except for Hanah. She's always saying, "I LOVE my job!" And Barbara.

Anyways, I think I need to slow down a bit. I've been tutoring two kids after school, two times a week. I've been involved with the 8th grade play (which is on April 7th and 8th). I am always behind in grading student work. Did you ever have one of those teachers who never pass back tests and assignments until way later? Well, that's me.

I'm so tired. Please, someone teach me how to manage my time better. I need to pack for Seattle. We're off tomorrow for Ted's wedding. It should be a great time of celebrating. Minho and Miriam will be our traveling companions. Whenever Minho and Danny get together, they inevitably start talking about Star Wars, Robotech, Fantasy Baseball, and Dr. Mario. It's really nice seeing them together. Old friends reconnecting. Minho and his family were a huge part of Danny's life; therefore, they are a huge part of mine. Meeting them was a necessary step in understanding Danny's past.

Speaking of past, the other day Danny and I were reminiscing about our dating days as we looked through our "box of memories." How fragile was our love! And how cheesy were we!

I watched "Anger Management" tonight. Marisa Tomei was in it. She's so great! They should have mentioned that in the advertisements. I only knew that Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholas were in it. I thought it was a very good movie.

My life is not that exciting, I realized. It's very stable. Very settled. I think I know what it means to "get married and settle down somewhere." Don't get me wrong. I feel very rooted. I feel like this is where Danny and I are supposed to be right now. But, the most exciting thing I'm doing this week is cooking dinner for five people tonight. Jay, Joe, Slim, Danny, and me. I'm going to try to make some Japanese food. We'll see how it turns out. Jay is in town for like a week, so it should be a fun time of reconnecting and reminiscing.

I found a note on my desk at the end of class today from a student of mine:

"Dear Mrs. Chai: I thank you for teaching me and other students because I know it's hard to not lose control."

What an observant and precocious child. He's one of my quieter kids. Very mature for his age. Great kid! It's these moments when an 8-year-old kid thanks me that I know why I do what I do. And I enjoy it immensely. Today I got to teach parallel and intersecting lines. We also did a hands-on project where the kids made a 3-D model of Hades. And, I got to choose some of my favorite books for them to read for book clubs: Charlotte's Web, Little House on the Prairie, James and the Giant Peach, and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

But truly, I'm so glad the school day is over. I'm so thoroughly exhausted when the kids leave. Now I can catch up on some personal business, prepare for the next day, and tutor in peace.

I have cold feet and cold hands as well. I remember last year when I was working out, I had this weird sensation in my hands. I realized that the blood was circulating through them and that they were actually warm. I guessed that because I was working out and getting my heart pumping, I felt that my hands were warm. Ever since then, I realized that having cold feet and hands might have something to do with my heart and circulation.

The other day I was playing the guitar and trying to sing a song in a lower key. I couldn't quite get the tune, so I was fumbling a lot. I must have sounded very funny. In fact, Danny was playing Spider Solitaire nearby, and he found it extremely humorous. It made him laugh so hard that he had to physically get up from his computer chair and collapse onto the futon until he could regain control of his body. It was one of those laughs where your sides hurt so much, and at the same time you're shrieking with delight you are also screaming in pain. I was so amused by this that I stopped playing guitar and started laughing too. That's the Chai household. Weird. Our kids are going to be soooo weird.

We just found out that a sixth grader at my school passed away last weekend. They told us at our faculty meeting today. It was the worst piece of news I've heard in a long time. I didn't even know the girl, but I cried. I cried because it just didn't seem fair. This week is going to be very heavy and somber. Everything that I was thinking that day didn't seem to matter compared to the gravity of the situation. All my pettiness with other people paled in comparison, and I was floored. I know that death comes to us all. I have often pondered about my own death and the deaths of my loved ones at some point. When will it be? How will it end? But I guess death has a way of surprising people. The pain and the grief that accompanies death magnifies our love for one another. And I realized that I haven't been a loving person lately. I know this is only somewhat making sense, but these are just my thoughts.

Sunday afternoon naps. This is so crucial to me. Today I slept for three hours in the afternoon. A bunch of us from church had lunch at Pasta? and then when I came home, it was time for a nap. And then I thought Alias was on tonight. sniff. But it wasn't. Not even a rerun episode. It was "Who Wants to be a Super Millionaire?" with Regis. I was so disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing Sydney Bristow on screen. But I think I have to wait another two weeks. Oh well. Life goes on.

On a more serious note, I'm thinking about my next vacation plans and summer plans, and I would like to visit different countries.

I love sleeping in until 11:00am. Should I change jobs so that I can wake up at that time? Should I just bite the bullet and become an engineer? Ouch.

I went snowboarding for the first time this week. And I must say, I picked it up pretty quickly. But I realized something about myself. Danny says this about me all the time. I don't challenge myself. And sadly, it's true. I picked up snowboarding fundamentals, and I'm pretty satisfied where I am. I have no desire to challenge myself a little bit further and become a little bit better. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever snowboard again. I have this "been there, done that" attitude about it. Or maybe I just don't like it enough. In any case, I do realize that I don't challenge myself enough.

Guess what?? I just read Susan's page and found out that she went to Step class. Well, the coinky-dink is that I went to Step class too! It was a typical Tuesday. I was tired from work and wanted to just watch TV for five hours straight to unwind from a day of teaching and thinking and giving the eye to my students when they misbehave and all that good stuff. But I had made a promise to myself. I shall go to Step class. It took me a while to figure out where this gym was located and when I arrived, I realized I had no idea what to do. I had never REALLY gone to the gym, and now here I was trying to take a class. There were all these unspoken rules that I had to figure out. For Step class, you need to sign up, go grab a step, and then find a place to plop down. Of course, I don't know anything, so I just sit on someone else's step and wait for class to start. Everyone is either reading a magazine, lounging on their step, or talking to their friend. I try acting nonchalant, as if I've been there before, and start stretching. Right as the instructor is about to start, the owner of the step comes over and says "This is my spot." Whoops! so I scramble away, find the last step, and then with the help of a kind stepper, I manage to find a place near the front.

My goodness! What a workout. It was an advanced Step class and it was my first time. It took me some time to get used to the commands, like "V-step," "shuffle," and I forgot the rest. You should've seen me! You would be proud. I was keeping up and was pretty good, but nowhere near as good as the middle-aged Korean woman in back of me. I watched her in the mirror, and she not only had the footwork, but she was doing fancy motions with her arms! I was kind of jealous, but also proud to be Korean. Yes, even in Step class, I feel a strong sense of my ethnic background.

On that note, I noticed that most of the women there were Asian. There was one African-American woman in the bunch. She was talking the whole hour while all the Asian women were silent. It was so telling. The culture split was so evident. I wish I could be more call-and-responsey. But it's just not my nature. I suppose I could get into it if the majority of the people were responding. Looking around the room, I knew that most women felt the way I did: The teacher is talking and so I must not talk back. The teacher is a person of authority and must not be questioned. To respond to the teacher means that I think I'm on the same level as her.

Anyways, I enjoyed Step class and would go again. The next class I want to try is a spinning class. There's an "Easy Spin" class in the Campbell gym that would probably fit me best. The exercising adventures of Jieun continues...

It's ridiculous how much I need to go to the bathroom, but I can't until 3:20pm. I have back-to-back classes, and so I have to wait until after school and after carpool duty! Right now it's 2:15pm. One more hour of holding it in.

The reason why I'm not watching the Super Bowl right now and why I'm generally not into sports at all is because of my brothers. Because both of them were so heavily into baseball, and watching Monday night football, and playing basketball, etc., it drove me crazy. I went the opposite way. I wanted to watch anything on TV besides sports. So I watched Family Matters. To this day, I have a love for sit coms, no matter how bad they are. As long as I'm not watching sports.

I realize now that I should have supported by brothers more. I should have watched more of their baseball games. I should have listened when they rattled off the stats of Dodgers players. I should have learned the intracacies of football strategy. But alas, all I see are overgrown men who attack each other and get injured all the time.

I always feel so sad when my mom is in KoReA. I don't know if most of you know this, but I talk to my mom almost every day. I call her to find out how to make a certain kind of stew, or to ask how to sew a button, or to ask for prayer about something small or big, or to simply ask how her day was. I feel very lucky to have a mother with whom I have made a friendship as I became an adult. When you're young, your mom is your mom. But as you become an adult, there's a change. You can become close friends or distant relatives.

We run into conflicts sometimes, and I tell her how I feel and she tells me how she feels. We work it out, and resolve them. It's really quite amazing how this works out. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I miss her when she is out of the country. I have no one to call every day, except for Danny and Karen. Anyways, she has passed her citizenship test this year, and will soon become a citizen of the UnItEd StAtEs of AmErIcA. I'm very proud of her. She's earned it. The interviewer asked her, "What are the 13 original colonies?" And she rattled them off one by one without so much as a pause.

I experienced the power of connections today. At the gym, I signed up for a free three-month membership that my friend gave me. But it was restricted to only one facility, no classes, and I could go only three times a week. Then, I mentioned that I was a teacher at HiLlBroOk School, and he said, "Oh? I used to go there! For eight years." He then proceeded to relay the happiest moments of his childhood that was apparently spent at HiLlBrOok School. Because of my connections to this school, he gave me full access to all five facilities in the bay area, any class I wanted to attend (even those new bike classes), and any day of the week. Wow!

I took this as a sign from the Lord that I really have no excuse for the next three months to get some exercise. It's quite scary how flabby I've become. My nice rippling arm muscles from my cheer and colorguard days are no longer in existence; in its place are soft sacs of fat. But no more I tell you! This is the year that Jieun takes care of her body. Aerobic exercise, flexibility, toned muscles... these are my goals. Plus, Danny is my inspiration. Seriously, for two years straight, he's been going to the gym pretty consistently. What results! You should check him out next time you see him. As for me, I'll give an update on how I'm doing next week.

A good thing about being a teacher besides getting all those vacation days is that you get to live out "school" again without having the academic pressures. I feel like I'm living vicariously through these children. Being the official spelling bee coordinator for my school this year, I get to set up all the rules and participate in a spelling bee in a way that I've never done before. I was a pretty good speller when I was young, but I didn't have the opportunity to be in a spelling bee. This is my chance!

Also, I am one of the dance choreographers for the 8th grade play. This year we're doing "Wizard of Oz." I get to be part of a play/musical! Never in my high school career was this a reality. But now it is. I have all kinds of responsibilities such as helping with casting, singing, and dancing. I'm having a blast.

Oh, and I also got to tell my students and faculty that we should use the term "Lunar New Year" as a more inclusive term rather than "Chinese New Year," since a lot of countries/cultures celebrate the new moon. I realize that Chinese New Year is the most popular because of the presence of Chinese Americans, but I thought it would be cool to mention that it's actually more inclusive to say Lunar New Year. The principal complimented me on bringing it up. She's really into diversity and inclusivity.

I get soooo angry at blatant racism. GRrrrrrr!

I just read Mark and Sandy's page. I can't believe they had to go through that. When will America learn from her mistakes in the past?

It's amazing how sleep-deprived I am. I think that ever since third grade, when I had a brother who was in junior high, I started going to sleep really late. My little brother recently told me that I was a zombie going through high school. All I did was study and go through the motions. Maybe that was true! I stayed up late nights "studying" and writing papers. And it was the same in college as well. I scheduled my classes so that I could wake up late. Even then, many a class did I miss! And now that I'm a teacher, I'm dying. I sleep about 5 to 6 hours a night. But, my optimal number of hours is 8. That means I'm in debt about 12 hours per week. And it keeps adding up. I wish I were an engineer, just lilke my husband!