Eight Things I Want to do Before I Die

8. Learn to speak 10 languages.
7. Visit most of Europe, Asia, and South America.
6. Write a children's book with Asian American themes.
5. Learn how to do a back handspring.
4. Go on a long-term missionary trip.
3. Appear in a movie or TV show as the lead actress.
2. Raise at least three kids.
1. Play with my grandchildren.

Nine Ways To Win My Heart

9. Accepting my weirdness and quirkiness by taking them in stride during social interactions. Usually boring people can't handle my eccentric behavior, and so I have to restrain myself sometimes.

8. Some of you who know me know that I have a lot of gas. It's just a part of my immune system. Someone who says, "I think it smells sweet" is definitely worthy of my heart.

7. Quirkiness. I find normalcy boring to tears. Quirkiness adds spice to life, makes life colorful and fun. It's very important to me.

6. Someone who writes me a poem or a song.

5. Someone who tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. And be completely serious.

4. Someone who knows exactly what I'm thinking and feeling without me ever saying anything.

3. Strong principles. A man who lives out his principles is very attractive. On the other hand, a principled man is also usually very stubborn.

2. Nerdiness. OK, not like totally and completely nerdy to the point of tears, but not cool and slick. Intelligence is a no-brainer, but my guy can't be cooler than me. I'm slightly nerdy, so he would have to be nerdier than me.

1. Sappiness. Able to be genuine in feeling, and not prone to complete sarcasm or hard-core cynicism or extreme pessimism.

I think of Danny as someone who won my heart, and is still winning my heart. Kind of like salvation. You're saved once and you are continuously being saved, working out your salvation with fear and trembling. So, Danny has won my heart once and for all, and he is continuing to win my heart on a daily basis.

10 Random Things About Me

10. I have a serious gas problem. Only a chosen few have suffered the wrath of it.

9. I was on a "nationally televised" game show called "Kidquiz" when I was in the sixth grade. I was the team captain.

8. I had a wart removed by laser from my left index finger.

7. I was pressured to like someone on New Kids on the Block, so I picked Danny.

6. I love striking up conversations in Chinese with people.

5. I have a slightly upturned nose and huge nostrils that I try to hide by smiling wide and tilting my face downward a little.

4. My brothers used to say that "the universe has only one black hole, but Jieun has two!" (referring to #5)

3. I put my right contact in first, always. I take out my left contact first, always.

2. When I hear an interesting word or phrase, I count out the syllables with my fingers and re-count them again and again, trying out different patterns with my fingers.

1. I listen to K-Love every day, on the way to work and on the way back.

It's insane how many times a week Danny views the short video footage of Ellie, our niece. And if you've been over at our home this past month, at some point you probably have seen the clip, ...twice. We took our XBox ("mod-ed", so basically our whole entertainment system) with us down to LA this past weekend, so my MOM saw Ellie too! Actually, it's cute. I think it's cute that Danny thinks Ellie is cute. Meeting her has profoundly affected Danny's innermost being. I'm sure he'll be a great uncle. And an even greater father one day.

Thanksgiving dinner was happenin' at the Park household. My mom and I cooked all day. She did most of the prep work for the turkey and a lot of cleaning. I just messed up the kitchen and cooked up a storm. It was nice.

I had some time to spend with my dad going last-minute shopping. I got to teach my mom the difference between "green beans" and "grean peas," because apparently the word for "bean" in Korean refers to the actual bean or pea inside the pod or stalk. So when I asked her to get grean beans for the casserole I was going to make, the picture on the green beans can confused her because they were green stalks. So, she got the cans of green peas, which had a picture of things that actually looked like beans to her. Anyways, after a long debate/discussion, and after recovering from my disappointment that everything wasn't perfect, I made a green pea casserole!

I helped my mom join Curves. I hung out with my brothers, which means either watching TV together or watching them play video games. The XBox was a hit with my brothers. Danny scored one point!

AND, before we began eating dinner, we all went around and shared a couple of things we're thankful for. How traditional and cheesy. And no one laughed. No one was sarcastic, although, one of my brothers tried to be, but I think the presence of my mother kept him on track. It was definitely memorable.

The Park family's first Thanksgiving feast. History in the making. My mom is usually out of the country during Thanksgiving time, but this year, I convinced her to come back to the USA during Thanksgiving so that we can cook together.

SO, Danny and I, my two brother, my parents, and my aunt will join forces and have dinner at the Buena Park home. We're having turkey, mashed potatoes, various side dishes (including one Korean side dish, jap chae), and dessert. I'm scared about the turkey. I'm using a recipe from allrecipes.com. If anyone has any tips for turkey roasting, please feel free to give them to me.

Some questions I have are: can I use chicken stock for the bottom of the roasting pan, instead of turkey stock? Do I have to have liquid on the bottom or not? Should I stuff the turkey with anything? Can I just not? I think everything else is pretty much taken care of. We'll see how Thanksgiving turns out this year.

I've been reading all about Desiree's adventures in New York City, and Penny's great enthusiasm about this place New York City. And I'm wondering, hm... what's the appeal? I've read all the highlights, and I live vicariously through the many wonderful descriptions. But what is it about New York that makes them and others talk about living in New York as such a separate dimension with mythical qualities?

Why can't I talk about Sunnyvale with this kind of passion? Highlights of living in Sunnyvale:

-all the stores closing at 8:00pm
-a Macy's department store located in a mall that is much more like a ghost town
-hardly any people walking around, ever
-everyone protected in their safe haven of a car, not having to interact with people if they don't want

It's just not a happenin' place, I'm realizing. Suburban life is way boring, compared to the glitz and glamour of city life. But here's the other realization. I love BORING. I love suburban life. It's what I know, and it's where I am, and it's probably where I'll be, if I had a choice in the matter. I don't think I would fare well in city life. My homebodiness would seem grossly disparate from the surrounding festivities, and would probably put a damp on all fun-lovers around me.

I think I'm being influenced by the recent book I'm reading: Tess of the D'urbervilles. Except Tess was a rural person who was afraid of town life and townspeople.

All this aside, I do want to visit New York City again. Big apple, hustle bustle, and all. I do have credit from Jetblue, from a trip I was supposed to take earlier this year.

Zits run in my family. It's more from the Yoon blood than the Park blood. There's no cure for acne, really. You can just treat it for the rest of your life. How sad. I went to the dermotologist for the first time in my life. After fourteen years of using topical creams such as Clearasil (which my mom still faithfully uses), I decided it's time to get some professional treatment.

Don't get me wrong. My acne is not that bad. I was lucky compared to my two brothers, who had to deal with a lot, and my mother, who went through depression in college as a result of bad acne. Me, I just go through sprinkles of white and blackheads all over my forehead and chin. And then periodically, a couple of deep, nasty, big ones will appear strategically and conveniently on very important days, such as weddings (including mine), and school picture days, to name a couple.

So anyways, I got some medicine that's supposed to clear up my skin. Check me out three months later.

"Mrs. Chai, do you know who my hero is?"

"Is it your mom?"

"Well, yes, one of them."

"How about your dad?"

"Uh-huh."

"And of course your sister!"

"Yes, and also there's one more."

"Who?"

"You."

Sniff. mmmmMMMMMMmmMMMmMMMMMMmmmMMMeeeeeeeeeEEEEEeeeeEEeeEE?

I'm ready for my day off on Thursday.

It was a perfectly normal Monday morning. We had just finished painting our Eygyptian tombs and were settling down for the day's Math lesson. Each table group was supposed to estimate the value of the base ten blocks that were placed on each table. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a student from table 4 starts to vomit. All over her Math sheet and base ten blocks. The student is as shocked as the rest of the class. She stands up and vomits on the floor. Then I rush her over to the trashcan to finish off the vomit.

Needless to say, my week didn't start off fine and dandy. I got paint all over my BR pants, I had to evacuate the room for fear of having all other sixteen kids throwing up from the vomit, and therefore did not get to finish my base ten blocks Math lesson, and now my room smells like vomit. I get a whiff of it every now and then. Fabulous.

Yesterday a student of mine, Chris, says to me, "Mrs. Chai, I think you should get all your work done right away after school, and then go straight home! Then you should take a nap, get up just to eat dinner, and then go back to sleep again. Get plenty of rest before coming to school again. " Boy, I must have looked so tired and sick for him to say that. Also, how SWEET! This is why I love my job. I have interactions like this every day. Pure, caring, innocent children who want to be peacemakers in this world.

I really love Ellie, my niece! We're not blood-related, but I felt a tug in my heart for her, the kind that makes you feel all at once in love with someone and all at once afraid to lose the person. Then I thought, my goodness! How much more does Christine feel that for her own daughter?? Then I took it a step further and thought, how much more does our heavenly Father love His children?

I'm here sitting at home because I'm sick. :( And my husband is coming home late tonight so I need to fend for myself. Wah. I hate being sick. I thought I was going to avoid the sickness thing this fall. I was so vigilant (new word I learned this year) about washing my hands, and putting anti-bacterial stuff on whenever I handled children. But alas. My sore throat is now egging on my chronic bronchial cough. Wah. Hopefully I can go to school tomorrow, but we'll see.

I hate missing school! Today was Book Report Day, and I feel like I let my kids down. They worked so hard to prepare their presentations, and I'm not even there to grade them. Also, it was Picture Day. Teachers get to take individual pictures for free! Last year, I got my free 5 by 7 photo and didn't know what to do with it, so I put it in one of our wedding photo frames (since I didn't really have a favorable picture from my wedding to put in it).

Anyways, I had to wake up at 5:30am this morning to call a sub, and then spent about 30-45 min. typing up a sub plan and sending it to the sub. Then I slept until noon. I decided to catch up on peoples' thoughts pages, and then decided to write one myself.

Growing up, I pretty much never went to the doctor or dentist. I only remember going once to the doctor to get a required shot. I don't remember ever going from fifth grade on. As for the dentist, I went regularly until sixth grade, when I got my braces. Then I don't remember ever going until I became an adult, which was about a decade later and I discovered I had fourteen cavities. I think my mom thought the orthodontist was the same thing as the dentist.

Our family was never one of those doctor-ish/scientific families. My mother was always into the latest Korean health fads that made no sense whatsoever. My dad was the same way. In fact, he would bring strange products home and say we should use them because it was "healthy." No further explanation. Once we had this product, a small plastic thing, that you were supposed to throw into the laundry, instead of laundry detergent. What the?? No powder, no liquid, no nothing. Just plastic, exuding some kind of magnetic force. And the stranger thing was, my mom TRIED it!

When I went off to college, my dad gave me a pillow to try out because it was "healthy." It was covered in some kind of gold foil material. Being a good, obedient daughter, I said OK. Even ask my freshman roommate Sabrina about my gold pillow. It was so uncomfortable!!! We had great laughs about it. It matched Sabrina's dress once for the Viennese Ball, so we took a picture of her holding it. I should see if I still have it!

Anyways, needless to say, I got sick often my freshman year.

I'm not sure if it was the gold pillow, or just the lack of knowing how to take care of myself. I never went to the doctor's, so I didn't know how to make an appointment for myself. I never really ate proper medicine, so I didn't know how to buy it for myself.

Today I'm a different person. I now know to go visit the doctor every year, and the dentist every twice a year. When the doctor prescribes something, I'm supposed to finish the whole prescription. When I have a cough, I should buy some cough drops or some kind of cough suppressant to help it die down. When I'm allergied, I should take an anti-histamine of some sort. Didn't know that til college. I watched my mom suffer from allergies my whole life, and I don't think she knew about Sudafed or Claritin. Sad.

I wonder how my brothers are doing in terms of health and teeth.

What is it about "Everybody Loves Raymond" that's so hilarious? There are moments where the actors have to pause for like 10 seconds to wait for the laughter to die down. I laugh out loud. The relationship between a husband and wife, and how it progresses over the years, is one of the main themes of the show. It's overly exaggerated, to the point of being comical. Yet, I can relate so well to the problems that come up between Ray and his wife.

OK. I can't keep a secret. I joined Curves. I was going to keep it all secret, go work out in stealth for a couple of months, trick everyone into thinking that I'm some sloth, and then say aha! I am buff. Tomorrow is my first time working out at the facility. I'm pretty nervous because I don't think I can hack it. But Curves has a lot of ways to motivate women like me. They have Curve Bucks, and if you earn them, you can buy merchandise with them. The way you earn is to be spirited and wear clothing related to the theme of the week, and if you attend regularly. EXTRINSIC MOTIVATION. Gotta love it. The guy who thought of Curves is a genius. And a great entrepreneur. Let's see if this will be the thing that will get me off of my butt. Have you thought of joining a Curves near you?

Do you know one of my pet peeves is Cal/Stanford rivalry? Let me explain. As background information, I think both Cal and Stanford are fine institutions. They're just different. Public vs. private, for one. The list goes on. Having majored in Asian American Studies, I think Cal would have been a better choice for me in terms of academic niche.

But why so much pride? And why so much hatred? On both sides? Cal friends of mine are sometimes saying things like, "Go bears for life," and other such "til-death-do-you-part" statements. Even those who go on to grad school at Stanford, who sometimes spend more time at Stanford than at Cal, are blue and gold forever. Is it friendly loyalty? Or is there something more?

And Stanford people sometimes think they're above it all. "Oh, those Cal people are always hurting the tree at Big Games. I don't know why they're sooo into the rivalry. I'm not." Oh please. You're as proud as they are. Just maybe expressed differently. You know you like to flash around your Stanford name to impress. You know you want your kids to go there. You know you're so proud and pompous in your heart.

There have been little snippets of hope. For reconciliation. For healing. When we were in Seattle, Danny was too timid to go up to a Stanford basketball guy, so Miriam (a Cal grad) lets go of her pride and shouts with all of her might, "Go Cardinal!!!" And the tall basketball player hears it across the street, gives a fist punch of recognition, and walks on. That, to me, is reconciliation and healing. It was a moment when loyalty to a friend was more important than loyalty to what school you went to. We need more of these moments, where people from Cal are willing to say things like, "Yeah, Stanford's a good school. In fact, I'm going to grad school there," and people from Stanford are willing to say, "Wow, Cal won the Big Game? That's great!"

Maybe I'm being too idealistic. I don't care. I still believe in the power of love. "Don't be a hater." I'll be the first person to say that I like Cal. I have many dear friends from Cal. I wish I went to Cal for a summer to take some classes with Takaki. I think Cal is cool.

Should I try yoga?

Another wedding. This one took me back to the past. They got married at the same place we got married, so it was cool reminiscing. Then we had this elaborate Chinese banquet-style dinner at Ming's, which was where we had our rehearsal dinner two years ago. Brought back a lot of memories. I've talked about this a lot before, but I'm not sure if I ever wrote about it. I always tell Danny that I want to get married again in ten years. A renewal of vows, but this time, do the wedding the right way. :) For most people, planning a wedding is really the first wedding that they plan, so they don't know what to expect. Wouldn't it be great to plan a wedding after you've been through it once already? For example, you would know how to:

1. Choose a dress that you really really like
2. Schedule a make-up person that you really like
3. Go with a photographer that you really like
4. Tell the hair person how to adjust the veil so that it can come off later
5. Invite only those people that you really like
6. Ask some friends to take pictures of you with your own camera so that you don't have only the professional photographer taking pictures
7. Allocate about 7 to 8 hours total for the whole affair, ceremony and reception and all
8. Have the wedding in LA, where your family doesn't have to drive up the 101, even when you told them to drive up the 5 because it's faster

I'm not saying that I didn't like my wedding. I loved it. The ceremony was wonderful. I just missed out on hanging out with people on account of poor planning. And really, that's the most important thing to me, to celebrate with people who are happy for us. So in ten years, hopefully we'll have a renewing of vows ceremony.

I will have seventeen kids this year. I already know six of the families because I had their older siblings! Have I been teaching for that long? This will be my fifth year of teaching. I definitely have a handle on things more now, but no matter how long you've been teaching, you still don't know what the first day of school will bring you. Serendipitous surprise or devastating disaster (practicing alliteration).

First day of school memories: (as a teacher)

1. Parent walking in with a video camera filming her cute little kid getting all her supplies out
2. A shy girl whose huge eyes welled up with tears because she was afraid to start third grade
3. Disruptive kid walking into the classroom saying, "Oh great. What are we going to do in here." (I should've known the minute he walked in to control the situation! He caused me trouble all year. If I run into a student like that NOW, I would make him walk back into the classroom with a better attitude, and keep doing it until he gets it right. But what did I know back then. He ended up getting suspended during the year for throwing a chair in my class, and by the end of the year he got kicked out of school.)
4. A girl who loved school that said, "I love school! I don't want to leave!" and gave me a big hug at the end of the first day.

I wonder how the first day of school will be this time. Will tell of all the drama soon...

I spoke too soon. Olympic gymnastics is actually not over. One more day of Carly Patterson and Paul Hamm. Tonight I watched men's pommel horse and rings, women's uneven bars and vault. There is an uncanny resemblance between Teng Haibin of China (gold medal winner for pommel horse) and my brother Giwoong. I was shrieking with laughter because I didn't know that my older brother had been secretly training for China's men's gymnastics team. :) I called home, and urged my family to watch and see if I was right. There were murmurs of agreement.

Anyways, on to my emotions. Lately I've been feeling a bit off. I can't quite explain what I mean, but in different social settings, I would go into it saying, "I'm not going to be so outgoing or weird and all-out today. I'm just going to act normal." There are many things wrong with this statement. First of all, the fact that I'm mentally preparing myself before a given situation says that I'm not being truly myself. Second, NORMAL?? Me?? When does that ever happen? If you ever see me "being" normal, you can be assured that it's all an act. For some reason I don't want to be the real me, maybe because I'm tired of taking initiative, tired of getting rejected, tired of being vulnerable to people. I'm not sure what it is. Third, being a natural extrovert, I receive energy from being with people. But when I go into a situation saying that I will not socialize as much with other people, I'm purposefully not receiving any strength or energy from others. And this affects me later on, after I leave the situation. Because I did not receive the proper amount of recharging from others, I go away feeling dissatisfied, and end up wanting to hang out with people more. But of course, my friends aren't going to be there for me at midnight or whatever ungodly hour I go to bed, so then I start to feel like I have no friends. Which is absurd. And I know this cycle all too well. I go through periods of feeling like no one wants to hang out with me, but really, it's because I start believing lies that come in when I try to ACT a certain way that is not ME.

Is this crazy? Does anyone else do this? Go into a situation saying that they will not be their natural selves. The mere fact that I do this is weird. And weirdness is a quality that becomes me. So in essence, maybe I'm still being myself.

Olympic gymnastics holds a special place in my heart. From "Nadia" the movie to Mary Lou Retton, from Amy Chow to my new hero Carly Patterson, I have thoroughly enjoyed watching gymnastics every four years. When I was younger I would get some masking tape and create a makeshift balance beam on our living room floor. I would perform my little heart out, and always end up getting a 10! As a 26-year-old, I still have to do cartwheels while watching Olympic gymnastics. I'm so glad I found people with whom I can share this itch.

Now that gymnastics is over, and my heart can beat normally again, the Olympics is over for me. I have no desire to watch anymore. Did you know that there is Olympic walking??? We watched it at midnight, and it was ridiculous! There's also trampouline flipping. So random.