I just cancelled our dining table plus six chairs order. I'm such a novice at this whole buying furniture and other large items thing. I'm just getting my feet wet in terms of knowing what a bargain looks like, knowing what styles I like, and knowing when to buy things. Either I jump the gun a lot of the times, or I procrastinate like crazy. I wish I could be like my mom sometimes. She makes decisions as fast as you can say "volkswagon." She's super-efficient, practical, and aggressive about bargaining. I must say, though, that sometimes her style is compromised. I want both. Style and efficiency.

The other day I broke down and cried because I had piles of stuff all over the house. Bills I have to pay, papers to file away, To Do Lists, coupons, and personal letters strewn all over the house in piles. Why? Because I don't have a desk. I don't have a space to call my own. I used to have a desk. Pre-marriage days. Oh, I should have kept that desk. I think it belonged to George's old roommate. But I think I gave it to someone because I thought, "Why would I need a desk for myself when I get married? Danny and I will buy a desk together and we'll share it and it will be perfect." Well, we did get a desk together, and we do share it currently, but it's far from being perfect.

From the beginning, we had different ideas about what our desk should represent. He wanted big, cheap, and no drawers. Big because he thought since we're sharing it, the bigger the better. Cheap because well, the cheaper the item the happier he is. And no drawers because he doesn't care about organizing things in containers and boxes like I do. Basically he wanted something to hold a nice desktop computer. That's what his vision came down to. Computer. I should've known!

I wanted a medium-sized, rustic, mahogany brown desk, with lots of drawers to hold things. An added hutch would be even nicer. All those shelves and nooks and crannies to organize all the junk I have... Wow! It's like having a miniature Container Store at my fingertips. My main purpose was to have a space for me to do bills, write letters, and check email on a laptop. I wanted it to look good, first and foremost. Functionality was a close second. sigh.

Last year, I went looking for a desk of my own, but ended up not getting the ideal desk because we just didn't have room. But now that we're in a bigger place, I have the space to get my own desk. But I know I can't get my IDEAL desk, because that would be close to $1000. I'm on the lookout for something within our budget. I don't know exactly what range that is, but I feel like I'll know when I see it.

Until I purchase my desk, though, there will be many more nights of frustration, sighing, and piles of stuff all over the Chai apartment.

I have learned that when traveling with my husband, the stresses of a new environment and taking care of details might erupt into needless fights. So I've been more aware lately of potentially frustrating situations.

The other night, we were in New Jersey, on our way to a hotel from a friend's wedding. Paul was driving us, and even though he's a GREAT driver who has a way better sense of direction than me and Danny put together, the Fort Lee area in NJ was new for him. In addition, Danny had half-baked directions to get to the hotel.

Let me first say before I go on that my husband is an EXCELLENT finder of deals when it comes to things like making travel arrangements. We got a Hilton hotel room for $60 that night, when the regular price is something like $350. Wow!!! Go Danny!

Anyways, we were driving around and kind of lost. So even if we had this sweet deal, it won't mean anything if we can't get to the place, right? I felt a little dose of impatience coming on, and frustration towards Danny for not getting the directions right. But it's like, who am I?? Do I even know what north and south are? How many times have I gotten lost? How many times have I inconvenienced other people on account of my lack of knowing directions? I guess it's just that I have high expectations for my husband. Since I can't do it, I expect him to know how to do it well.

As I was struggling inside with my conflicting emotions, Danny sunk into his seat next to me, obviously feeling bad for Paul, and for the other passengers in the car. In a quiet voice, which was barely audible to the other people in the car because he was also slightly mumbling, he said, "Sorry, Paul. It was poor planning on my fart."

Now, at this point, I was the only one in the car that heard the last word. I turned around and saw my poor husband feeling really bad for his bad directions, and right then and there, all of my mixed emotions became crystal clear. My heart swelled with love for my dear. He has his strengths and weaknesses, and I embrace them all. I mean, how could I get mad at someone who had poor planning on his fart? How could I get frustrated at someone who does everything in his power to take care of me, even if he sometimes has poor planning on his fart?

So instead of getting frustrated or mad or snippy for "poor planning on his fart", I just started laughing hysterically. I mean side-hurtin', verge-of-delirium, can't-breathe-but-totally-worth-it kinds of laughs. I can only remember two other times that I've laughed like this in the past five years. One was when we celebrated Adrian's birthday with a cake and sang "Happy Birthday" during smallgroup, and then promptly found out by his utterly confused look that his birthday wasn't until another month. The second time was when I sent out a repeat email thanking people for coming to my birthday party. The first email was sent out two weeks after the event, and started out with something like "Hi everyone, it's been 2 weeks since my birthday, and I wanted to thank you for coming..." Then two weeks later, I sent out another thank you email saying, "Hi everyone, it's been a month since my birthday, and I wanted to thank you for coming..." Danny asked me why I sent out another thank you, and that's when I realized that I sent out a repeat email, and burst out laughing, wondering if people thought I was some kind of pathetic loser who has no friends and no life, so I spend time on a biweekly basis sending out thank you emails for attending my birthday party.

Back to the latest incident. Ah... "poor planning on my fart." Those five little words saved us from having a fight. God works in weird ways. To this day, I'm still laughing about it. It's good for the soul. What's the lesson to be learned? If you think Jieun is about to get mad, appease her with some bathroom humor. And all will be well.

What is it about XBox, basketball, and poker that binds fellow men together in friendship and commonality? Lately Danny has been all about hanging out with people and calling people. It's like, "Who are you???!!!" It's great to see him out there, caring more about staying in touch and bonding with people.

I've often thought about why it's so much harder for women to get together like that, week after week, choosing some activity to do (OR not), and just "hanging out." The other day, I went out with two of my girlfriends, and we had a three-hour lunch. Each took her turn sharing about the latest things happening in her life, and it was FUN! But I don't do this with them every week. In fact, maybe only twice a year. I wonder... do I sacrifice frequency for more depth? Does Danny go in-depth with his hangout buddies every week while maneuvering a joystick, or passing a basketball, or waiting for the straight to come "on the river"?

Hanah suggested that maybe women are a little more complicated than men, in that we have more varied interests that prevents us from participating in a common activity. Some of us like to shop, some of us like to play sports, some of us like to knit, and some of us like to bake. Perhaps we do have varied interests, but should that stop us from trying new things? More importantly, should that stop us from "hanging out?" "Would you like to go shopping with us?" "Oh no. I don't like shopping. I'm not into it." But what if the activity is just a means to an end? What if the end goal is to just "hang out?" What if every week the activity is shopping, and some girl doesn't like to shop? Will she have no more friends? Of course, she can suggest another activity and invite people to join her. I think when it comes down to it, women generally don't think in terms of "hanging out." We are more goal-oriented. Whereas men can easily see basketball as a means to "hanging out," women are more inclined to think, "Why should I play basketball when I don't like it?"

Rarely when I go shopping with a girlfriend do we both have nothing in mind to buy. We always have to have some kind of goal in mind. Like, I need to return a dress at Macy's. Oh, I saw something at Anthropologie that I have to get. Nordstrom's is having a sale, so I have to go and get that pair of shoes. In the process of meeting our goals, we fit in "hang out" time, and when our goals are achieved, it's time to go home. I'm not saying that this is bad. I ALWAYS have fun when I go shopping with girlfriends. It's fun to fulfill your goals with other people. It's basically having someone there to run errands with you. But I savor the "hang out" time that happens along with the activity. And you get to know a person really well by observing how she shops, how she spends her money, and how she treats people at customer service.

One of the problems with this kind of goal-oriented approach to "hanging out" is that women don't get to hang out with each other as frequently as they ought. I guess some women are okay with that, but I am not. I need "hang out" time with people more than they need it with me.

So what should I do about that? Maybe nothing. Or maybe have more goals and organize "hang out" times by organizing more events. Be the initiator. Whatever. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.