I just cancelled our dining table plus six chairs order. I'm such a novice at this whole buying furniture and other large items thing. I'm just getting my feet wet in terms of knowing what a bargain looks like, knowing what styles I like, and knowing when to buy things. Either I jump the gun a lot of the times, or I procrastinate like crazy. I wish I could be like my mom sometimes. She makes decisions as fast as you can say "volkswagon." She's super-efficient, practical, and aggressive about bargaining. I must say, though, that sometimes her style is compromised. I want both. Style and efficiency.

The other day I broke down and cried because I had piles of stuff all over the house. Bills I have to pay, papers to file away, To Do Lists, coupons, and personal letters strewn all over the house in piles. Why? Because I don't have a desk. I don't have a space to call my own. I used to have a desk. Pre-marriage days. Oh, I should have kept that desk. I think it belonged to George's old roommate. But I think I gave it to someone because I thought, "Why would I need a desk for myself when I get married? Danny and I will buy a desk together and we'll share it and it will be perfect." Well, we did get a desk together, and we do share it currently, but it's far from being perfect.

From the beginning, we had different ideas about what our desk should represent. He wanted big, cheap, and no drawers. Big because he thought since we're sharing it, the bigger the better. Cheap because well, the cheaper the item the happier he is. And no drawers because he doesn't care about organizing things in containers and boxes like I do. Basically he wanted something to hold a nice desktop computer. That's what his vision came down to. Computer. I should've known!

I wanted a medium-sized, rustic, mahogany brown desk, with lots of drawers to hold things. An added hutch would be even nicer. All those shelves and nooks and crannies to organize all the junk I have... Wow! It's like having a miniature Container Store at my fingertips. My main purpose was to have a space for me to do bills, write letters, and check email on a laptop. I wanted it to look good, first and foremost. Functionality was a close second. sigh.

Last year, I went looking for a desk of my own, but ended up not getting the ideal desk because we just didn't have room. But now that we're in a bigger place, I have the space to get my own desk. But I know I can't get my IDEAL desk, because that would be close to $1000. I'm on the lookout for something within our budget. I don't know exactly what range that is, but I feel like I'll know when I see it.

Until I purchase my desk, though, there will be many more nights of frustration, sighing, and piles of stuff all over the Chai apartment.