Daddy's Little Girl

It really is amazing how fast babies grow. This first picture was taken the first week Abby came home. She fit perfectly on Danny's lap, and didn't really do much. She just stared and stared, barely aware of her surroundings. She had great attention span for an infant her age. And Danny would read to her so that she would recognize his voice. He read somewhere that babies like low, deep voices, so here he is reading from Nehemiah in a low, deep voice. She is absolutely enthralled by him. It's really precious. I just had to take a picture of them bonding together like this. It warmed my heart.

Time flies when you're having fun, they say. In this next picture, Abby is an alert 2-month old who's ready to socialize with the world. As you can see, her legs hang over to one side, and pretty soon she won't fit on our laps nice and evenly. Ever since she started smiling back at us, Danny hasn't stopped turning on the grin machine. He often exaggerates his smiles so that Abby will really understand how she's supposed to imitate him. She absolutely adores him and always smiles back at him. I love this picture because it shows a dedicated father who loves his daughter like crazy. I mean, how can you not smile back at this?

Baby Blues

We went to LA this past weekend. I was so nervous about flying on the plane with an infant, but it turned out OK. This is one of my favorite pictures from the weekend. Abby and Warren bumping heads, but having no idea that they're next to each other. Warren is Norma's second son. We all had lunch at their place. There were five adults, three infants, and one toddler. It was great seeing old friends and sharing a meal together. But it's just not the same anymore. Mothers are constantly concerned about their little ones. I'm wolfing down my food so that I'll be ready at a moment's notice to attend to Abby, Karen is chasing after Aaron to make sure he doesn't run into a wall or fall down the stairs, and Norma is disciplining Aidan while Warren starts to fuss for his nap. There are all kinds of gadgets/toys everywhere, and "Blues Clues" is on in the background. It's hard to carry on a conversation. I don't feel like I really know what's going on in Sangsoo's life. What are Norma's deepest desires? What does Karen struggle with lately? No clue.

I've been reading this book called Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul. It said something interesting that I relate to strongly:

"Loving my children can fill me up, but some days, it will completely empty my soul. To raise children means that you are constantly giving - all of your energies, all of your emotion, all of your time. Often I realize that my well is empty, my mind is numb, and my heart is heavy. There is nothing left for anyone. I am given out."

I am a people-pleaser and an extrovert. I love serving others emotionally. But lately, I'm empty. I'm all given out. My other roles have been put to a halt. I know I was once a wife. I remember serving my husband. I used to cook and clean the house. I know I was once a good friend. I remember calling people, writing letters, and making appointments.

Lately, I tend to hang out with other mothers because we all have an understanding. I don't have to apologize as much. I attended a breastfeeding mothers support group in order to hang out with other people whose attention gets distracted every 15 minutes. I was in line at the grocery store the other day and I saw a magazine featuring Jennifer Garner and her daughter Violet. I immediately thought, "Oh, we should hang out." Ha.

Anyways, I just feel empty. The book goes on to say that the emptiness needs to be filled with God. So yeah, that's my struggle: to fill myself with God so that I can overflow, not only to my daughter, but to everyone around me. All the books warned of postpartum depression and postpartum blues. I think I experienced a little bit of the blues.

I look at this picture of Warren and Abby, and I wonder if they'll grow up knowing each other. I wonder if they'll be friends. Whatever happens, I know that for now, they're so cute I can't stand it! A little blues is worth it for a precious picture like this.

A Card

Today I got three personal letters/cards. One in particular stood out. It was a card from Aunt Phyllis. On the front of the card, it reads: "It's amazing how one little person can change your whole world." Inside are four little words that just struck me like a ton of styrofoam bricks. (Not real bricks because it didn't shatter or break me, but I say bricks because it still had shock value. So I chose styrofoam because it's much softer than real bricks, but when you get a ton of them, I'm sure they weigh you down.) It said: "Happy First Mother's Day."

Woa. I'm a mother. I have a daughter. On Sunday the United States of America recognizes mothers as people to be celebrated. That's me. Celebrate me! It feels weird to be on the other side. I've always seen Mother's Day as a time to celebrate my mother, which I still do. But now I'm the recipient of the celebration. One day Abby will bring home a hand-made piece of artwork from Sunday School saying "Happy Mother's Day!" Or not. How fascinating.

Sleeping on Her Tummy

So anyone who reads the latest literature on newborn care will discover that there's a big campaign for "back to sleep." Putting babies to sleep on their backs reduces significantly the risk for SIDS, which is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. For the first three weeks we put Abby to sleep on her back. Of course, you can't just plop an infant down on her back and expect her to sleep! She has limbs that flail about without her knowing, and that startle her every minute. So, we were diligently swaddling her tightly in blankets. It was at times stressful because swaddling is a learned art, and unless you have a good swaddle, babies will get out of it, and end up not sleeping. Then the parents get upset and frustrated.

Enter mother-in-law. The first thing she did when she came to visit is to put Abby on her tummy when sleeping. She was adamant about it because she didn't want Abby to grow up with a flat head. I asked, "What about SIDS?" SIDS, Schmids. Her reasoning was that we were all raised on our tummies, so what's the big deal. So what was I supposed to do? Go against my mother-in-law?

So now Abby sleeps on her tummy. Sh! Don't tell anyone we do this. It's one of those things that you aren't supposed to tell your pediatrician or say out loud to other mothers. Kind of like if you're a Republican in California, keep it to yourself.

The results of Abby on her tummy have been great. She sleeps better and longer. The only problem is putting her in her crib without waking her. Imagine that she fell asleep in my arms with her tummy and face on my torso. How the heck am I supposed to switch her so that she ends up like that in the crib??? Well, every time I put her down, I would try a new method. There's the roll-over technique (she almost always wakes up with this technique), the flip-over technique (she almost always wakes up with this technique), and then there's the random-technique-that-works-but-I-can-never-replicate-again technique. Most of the time I just pray and have faith in God right before I put her in her crib that somehow she'll end up on her tummy and sleep well.

But today I learned a new technique from another mom. It's the face-plant technique! I was eager to come home and try it out. And...... it worked! It wasn't perfect, but now I have a technique to follow, and I'm sure I'll master it after a couple more tries. I'll still pray and have faith that God will allow her to sleep well because, hey, why not.