Babies are people, too. But we can't expect them to be adults. The adults have to be the bigger people. Danny tries so hard to win babies' hearts, and then he gets so devastated when his affections aren't returned by little ones. And why shouldn't he? He treated the baby as a person, and when the baby didn't treat him with courtesy or respect or even acknowledge his presence, we tend to justify the babies' actions because "they're babies." And we as adults are expected to pick up the pieces of our hearts and move on when a child ignores our hellos and gestures of affection. The other day Ashley just stared at Danny and gave him a weird look when he said enthusiastically, "Hello!" I think she thinks he's kind of freaky. But the man tries so hard. Every time he sees her, he tries. He theorized that maybe kids don't respond to him because he's not physical enough with them. So at the end of the visit, he picked up Ashley and swung her up and down while she said, "Boing!" She loved it, and started liking him more. When he stopped, she said what any other child would say in that situation... "Again!" And of course by this time, Danny was tired, so he stopped. That was the end of her affections, and now I'm sure it'll be back to weird stares.

Wow, I have only six more weeks of school left. I started planning what my summer schedule would be, and already I'm busy as a bee. I'm always complaining that I never get enough sleep or rest, but then at the same time I'm always signing up for this and that, and making myself tired. These are all the things I want to do during my summer break: take Chinese class, tutor, exercise at 24 hour fitness, travel to DC, New York, and Korea, organize pictures, read books with Asian American themes, watch DVDs, go to three weddings, and swim. I can just see my non-teacher friends with other professional jobs cringe at this list of options I have for the summer. Actually, I can see my lawyer friends who are hating it at their jobs cringe when I mention my dilemma of how to spend a long vacation. Actually, I can see Danny cringing at this list. He's thinking, "Where am I in the list? Where is 'attend to all of Danny's needs' on the list?" :) Of course it's in there! You just have to look carefully. Read between the lines.

Anyways, my sister-in-law had a baby! I'm not ready to have kids. I think. The reason is that I think if I can't even take care of myself, how can I take care of a child? But I know all things are possible. I mean, I got married without knowing how to take care of Danny. And I still don't know, but I'm learning as I go. Who really knows how to be a good wife and a good mother from the get-go? Give me her number and let me call her up so we can chat.

I'm reading Purpose-Driven Life and learned that in all things we should do it for the glory of God. I've learned it before, but I'm learning it again. When I attend a Sunday worship service, I sometimes think about what I can get out of it, and if I didn't get anything out of it, I think man, I should have just stayed home. But the book was saying that we worship to benefit God. To glorify God. We attend Sunday service to glorify God. Not to get something out of it. I mean, it's a nice side effect, but it's not the primary reason. That's so deep. I live my life so selfishly that I'm having a hard time grasping this concept.

Alas, my metabolism has slowed down much since high school and college. I keep remembering the time when Christina, Patty, and I were at Kenneth Cole in Las Vegas, and we decided to share one dressing room for the three of us. I think most of us think we're smaller than we really are, so we got this shirt to try on in an extra small. It's one of those tight-fitting tops that you can where to a New Year's party, and it has a zipper on the side so you can wear it easily. However, we all had trouble getting the darn top on, and the two of us had to physically help the one person who was trying her hand at the extra small top. At one point, as we were trying to shove a head and two arms into the proper place, one of us gave up and yelled "Abort! Abort!" because it was clearly a failing mission. Ah. Good times. Our sides were hurting from the pain of laughter. I think you had to be there in order to understand how funny it was, and in order to laugh along with me as I tell this story.

Anyways, my point is, my body is not sixteen years old anymore. Nor is it twenty. Nor 25. Nay, it is now 26. I have to debate with myself now before I consume a Haagen Dazs ice cream bar. Oh well. And I most certainly choose to eat it every time. So much for self-control. Late twenties. Bring it on.







Here's me eating a crepe in Paris. Jambon and fromage (ham and cheese, I forgot the French word for "and"). A crepe in Paris is truly a wonderful experience.

This is a test.



Let's see if I remembered Susan's directions correctly. Woohoo! Thank you Susan Park. This picture is from last summer. It was our smallgroup when John was leading. I'm the one who's trying to be surprised and fobby all at the same time.

Went to Paris and London for spring break. Notre Dame was amazing. Westminster Abbey was fascinating. I wish I could just load up pictures like everyone else does. I know a little how to do it, but I know that Danny has his way of doing things, and I don't want to mess it up. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to use Canon or Photoshop, and how I should label them. I can't even differentiate between the multiple drives our computer has. In fact, I can't even find the dang pictures that we've stored somewhere on this computer that Eric Mao has built for us (by the way, a fabulous machine).

And how does Susan post up pictures on her blogger site?? How do you do it, Susan? You're some kind of wonderwoman.

I need to be a little more independent and find out how to do things on my own. I think being married, I've been relying too much on Danny to take care of everything. Especially since he's knowledgeable about computers, I thought just let him take care of everything. It would be wiser and more efficient. Relying on each other and co-dependency is necessary and good, but you take it to the extreme and ya can't even put up pictures by yourself! Gr. Anyone want to teach me?

Anyways, I think I took great pictures of various churches in Paris and London. I love how the sepia turns out when I use old churches as my subject. I would love to take my mom there someday. She would love it too. She's already hinting that she's never gone, and that her 60th birthday is coming up in a few years, and how nice it would be to travel through Europe...

I don't know how to take care of myself. Growing up, I always expected my mom to take care of me, which she always did. As an adult, I now rely on my husband to take care of me. And he does it so well. But I'm sick of being sick. I have such a weak body. I hate it. Whenever I get sick, I start coughing like a mad woman. I've had this ever since I was a young child. My mom claims it's because she was coughing like a mad woman during the time of my birth, one cold January night back in 1978. Whatever it is, it's very annoying. I think I wrote about this before, but I sometimes lose control of my bladder when coughing. Not total control, but just a little. I have to concentrate real hard. So that means when I'm coughing and walking at the same time, I have to stop walking. It's like chewing gum and walking at the same time. Impossible to do.

I already missed one day of school, which I hate doing. And, today I missed an all-day rehearsal of the school play. :( I just want to get better and be healthy.

Tonight is our school auction benefit. I get to dress up all pretty, and go have a free meal. I think Danny is glad that he isn't going anymore. I got him off the hook when I found out that a lot of the faculty members are not bringing their significant others. But I'm not sure if I'm up for schmoozing tonight. I just want to eat my meal, and then leave. I hope I can weasel my way out gracefully.

The fifth graders at our school are earning merits for helping teachers in the classroom. It's part of their Civil War unit. HOORAY! Two of them are taking down my Ancient Greece bulletin board as I write. Ah. I always get a ton of things done around the classroom during Civil War time.

I love my job. I feel very lucky. I only hear about how people hate their jobs, grow dull to the pain and suffering involved with their jobs, or run away from their jobs back to school. Except for Hanah. She's always saying, "I LOVE my job!" And Barbara.

Anyways, I think I need to slow down a bit. I've been tutoring two kids after school, two times a week. I've been involved with the 8th grade play (which is on April 7th and 8th). I am always behind in grading student work. Did you ever have one of those teachers who never pass back tests and assignments until way later? Well, that's me.

I'm so tired. Please, someone teach me how to manage my time better. I need to pack for Seattle. We're off tomorrow for Ted's wedding. It should be a great time of celebrating. Minho and Miriam will be our traveling companions. Whenever Minho and Danny get together, they inevitably start talking about Star Wars, Robotech, Fantasy Baseball, and Dr. Mario. It's really nice seeing them together. Old friends reconnecting. Minho and his family were a huge part of Danny's life; therefore, they are a huge part of mine. Meeting them was a necessary step in understanding Danny's past.

Speaking of past, the other day Danny and I were reminiscing about our dating days as we looked through our "box of memories." How fragile was our love! And how cheesy were we!

I watched "Anger Management" tonight. Marisa Tomei was in it. She's so great! They should have mentioned that in the advertisements. I only knew that Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholas were in it. I thought it was a very good movie.

My life is not that exciting, I realized. It's very stable. Very settled. I think I know what it means to "get married and settle down somewhere." Don't get me wrong. I feel very rooted. I feel like this is where Danny and I are supposed to be right now. But, the most exciting thing I'm doing this week is cooking dinner for five people tonight. Jay, Joe, Slim, Danny, and me. I'm going to try to make some Japanese food. We'll see how it turns out. Jay is in town for like a week, so it should be a fun time of reconnecting and reminiscing.

I found a note on my desk at the end of class today from a student of mine:

"Dear Mrs. Chai: I thank you for teaching me and other students because I know it's hard to not lose control."

What an observant and precocious child. He's one of my quieter kids. Very mature for his age. Great kid! It's these moments when an 8-year-old kid thanks me that I know why I do what I do. And I enjoy it immensely. Today I got to teach parallel and intersecting lines. We also did a hands-on project where the kids made a 3-D model of Hades. And, I got to choose some of my favorite books for them to read for book clubs: Charlotte's Web, Little House on the Prairie, James and the Giant Peach, and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

But truly, I'm so glad the school day is over. I'm so thoroughly exhausted when the kids leave. Now I can catch up on some personal business, prepare for the next day, and tutor in peace.

I have cold feet and cold hands as well. I remember last year when I was working out, I had this weird sensation in my hands. I realized that the blood was circulating through them and that they were actually warm. I guessed that because I was working out and getting my heart pumping, I felt that my hands were warm. Ever since then, I realized that having cold feet and hands might have something to do with my heart and circulation.

The other day I was playing the guitar and trying to sing a song in a lower key. I couldn't quite get the tune, so I was fumbling a lot. I must have sounded very funny. In fact, Danny was playing Spider Solitaire nearby, and he found it extremely humorous. It made him laugh so hard that he had to physically get up from his computer chair and collapse onto the futon until he could regain control of his body. It was one of those laughs where your sides hurt so much, and at the same time you're shrieking with delight you are also screaming in pain. I was so amused by this that I stopped playing guitar and started laughing too. That's the Chai household. Weird. Our kids are going to be soooo weird.

We just found out that a sixth grader at my school passed away last weekend. They told us at our faculty meeting today. It was the worst piece of news I've heard in a long time. I didn't even know the girl, but I cried. I cried because it just didn't seem fair. This week is going to be very heavy and somber. Everything that I was thinking that day didn't seem to matter compared to the gravity of the situation. All my pettiness with other people paled in comparison, and I was floored. I know that death comes to us all. I have often pondered about my own death and the deaths of my loved ones at some point. When will it be? How will it end? But I guess death has a way of surprising people. The pain and the grief that accompanies death magnifies our love for one another. And I realized that I haven't been a loving person lately. I know this is only somewhat making sense, but these are just my thoughts.

Sunday afternoon naps. This is so crucial to me. Today I slept for three hours in the afternoon. A bunch of us from church had lunch at Pasta? and then when I came home, it was time for a nap. And then I thought Alias was on tonight. sniff. But it wasn't. Not even a rerun episode. It was "Who Wants to be a Super Millionaire?" with Regis. I was so disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing Sydney Bristow on screen. But I think I have to wait another two weeks. Oh well. Life goes on.

On a more serious note, I'm thinking about my next vacation plans and summer plans, and I would like to visit different countries.

I love sleeping in until 11:00am. Should I change jobs so that I can wake up at that time? Should I just bite the bullet and become an engineer? Ouch.

I went snowboarding for the first time this week. And I must say, I picked it up pretty quickly. But I realized something about myself. Danny says this about me all the time. I don't challenge myself. And sadly, it's true. I picked up snowboarding fundamentals, and I'm pretty satisfied where I am. I have no desire to challenge myself a little bit further and become a little bit better. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever snowboard again. I have this "been there, done that" attitude about it. Or maybe I just don't like it enough. In any case, I do realize that I don't challenge myself enough.

Guess what?? I just read Susan's page and found out that she went to Step class. Well, the coinky-dink is that I went to Step class too! It was a typical Tuesday. I was tired from work and wanted to just watch TV for five hours straight to unwind from a day of teaching and thinking and giving the eye to my students when they misbehave and all that good stuff. But I had made a promise to myself. I shall go to Step class. It took me a while to figure out where this gym was located and when I arrived, I realized I had no idea what to do. I had never REALLY gone to the gym, and now here I was trying to take a class. There were all these unspoken rules that I had to figure out. For Step class, you need to sign up, go grab a step, and then find a place to plop down. Of course, I don't know anything, so I just sit on someone else's step and wait for class to start. Everyone is either reading a magazine, lounging on their step, or talking to their friend. I try acting nonchalant, as if I've been there before, and start stretching. Right as the instructor is about to start, the owner of the step comes over and says "This is my spot." Whoops! so I scramble away, find the last step, and then with the help of a kind stepper, I manage to find a place near the front.

My goodness! What a workout. It was an advanced Step class and it was my first time. It took me some time to get used to the commands, like "V-step," "shuffle," and I forgot the rest. You should've seen me! You would be proud. I was keeping up and was pretty good, but nowhere near as good as the middle-aged Korean woman in back of me. I watched her in the mirror, and she not only had the footwork, but she was doing fancy motions with her arms! I was kind of jealous, but also proud to be Korean. Yes, even in Step class, I feel a strong sense of my ethnic background.

On that note, I noticed that most of the women there were Asian. There was one African-American woman in the bunch. She was talking the whole hour while all the Asian women were silent. It was so telling. The culture split was so evident. I wish I could be more call-and-responsey. But it's just not my nature. I suppose I could get into it if the majority of the people were responding. Looking around the room, I knew that most women felt the way I did: The teacher is talking and so I must not talk back. The teacher is a person of authority and must not be questioned. To respond to the teacher means that I think I'm on the same level as her.

Anyways, I enjoyed Step class and would go again. The next class I want to try is a spinning class. There's an "Easy Spin" class in the Campbell gym that would probably fit me best. The exercising adventures of Jieun continues...

It's ridiculous how much I need to go to the bathroom, but I can't until 3:20pm. I have back-to-back classes, and so I have to wait until after school and after carpool duty! Right now it's 2:15pm. One more hour of holding it in.

The reason why I'm not watching the Super Bowl right now and why I'm generally not into sports at all is because of my brothers. Because both of them were so heavily into baseball, and watching Monday night football, and playing basketball, etc., it drove me crazy. I went the opposite way. I wanted to watch anything on TV besides sports. So I watched Family Matters. To this day, I have a love for sit coms, no matter how bad they are. As long as I'm not watching sports.

I realize now that I should have supported by brothers more. I should have watched more of their baseball games. I should have listened when they rattled off the stats of Dodgers players. I should have learned the intracacies of football strategy. But alas, all I see are overgrown men who attack each other and get injured all the time.