I always feel so sad when my mom is in KoReA. I don't know if most of you know this, but I talk to my mom almost every day. I call her to find out how to make a certain kind of stew, or to ask how to sew a button, or to ask for prayer about something small or big, or to simply ask how her day was. I feel very lucky to have a mother with whom I have made a friendship as I became an adult. When you're young, your mom is your mom. But as you become an adult, there's a change. You can become close friends or distant relatives.

We run into conflicts sometimes, and I tell her how I feel and she tells me how she feels. We work it out, and resolve them. It's really quite amazing how this works out. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I miss her when she is out of the country. I have no one to call every day, except for Danny and Karen. Anyways, she has passed her citizenship test this year, and will soon become a citizen of the UnItEd StAtEs of AmErIcA. I'm very proud of her. She's earned it. The interviewer asked her, "What are the 13 original colonies?" And she rattled them off one by one without so much as a pause.

I experienced the power of connections today. At the gym, I signed up for a free three-month membership that my friend gave me. But it was restricted to only one facility, no classes, and I could go only three times a week. Then, I mentioned that I was a teacher at HiLlBroOk School, and he said, "Oh? I used to go there! For eight years." He then proceeded to relay the happiest moments of his childhood that was apparently spent at HiLlBrOok School. Because of my connections to this school, he gave me full access to all five facilities in the bay area, any class I wanted to attend (even those new bike classes), and any day of the week. Wow!

I took this as a sign from the Lord that I really have no excuse for the next three months to get some exercise. It's quite scary how flabby I've become. My nice rippling arm muscles from my cheer and colorguard days are no longer in existence; in its place are soft sacs of fat. But no more I tell you! This is the year that Jieun takes care of her body. Aerobic exercise, flexibility, toned muscles... these are my goals. Plus, Danny is my inspiration. Seriously, for two years straight, he's been going to the gym pretty consistently. What results! You should check him out next time you see him. As for me, I'll give an update on how I'm doing next week.

A good thing about being a teacher besides getting all those vacation days is that you get to live out "school" again without having the academic pressures. I feel like I'm living vicariously through these children. Being the official spelling bee coordinator for my school this year, I get to set up all the rules and participate in a spelling bee in a way that I've never done before. I was a pretty good speller when I was young, but I didn't have the opportunity to be in a spelling bee. This is my chance!

Also, I am one of the dance choreographers for the 8th grade play. This year we're doing "Wizard of Oz." I get to be part of a play/musical! Never in my high school career was this a reality. But now it is. I have all kinds of responsibilities such as helping with casting, singing, and dancing. I'm having a blast.

Oh, and I also got to tell my students and faculty that we should use the term "Lunar New Year" as a more inclusive term rather than "Chinese New Year," since a lot of countries/cultures celebrate the new moon. I realize that Chinese New Year is the most popular because of the presence of Chinese Americans, but I thought it would be cool to mention that it's actually more inclusive to say Lunar New Year. The principal complimented me on bringing it up. She's really into diversity and inclusivity.

I get soooo angry at blatant racism. GRrrrrrr!

I just read Mark and Sandy's page. I can't believe they had to go through that. When will America learn from her mistakes in the past?

It's amazing how sleep-deprived I am. I think that ever since third grade, when I had a brother who was in junior high, I started going to sleep really late. My little brother recently told me that I was a zombie going through high school. All I did was study and go through the motions. Maybe that was true! I stayed up late nights "studying" and writing papers. And it was the same in college as well. I scheduled my classes so that I could wake up late. Even then, many a class did I miss! And now that I'm a teacher, I'm dying. I sleep about 5 to 6 hours a night. But, my optimal number of hours is 8. That means I'm in debt about 12 hours per week. And it keeps adding up. I wish I were an engineer, just lilke my husband!

I was bored and looked up my name on Google. I came across dave's entry on my engagement dinner back in January of 2002. It was hilarious.

"its sort of a korean thing that when you meet someone for the first time, you have to sing a song. Not all the time, but it's common. Scott kim knows this-- when he met one of his relatives in korea (and i was there), he had to sing a song. He chose forever young. But anyhow, i'll tell that story another day.

but yeah, it's just a korean thing. so yeah, all those in the us planning to go to korea, be prepared to sing a song."

It's true!!!!!!!!! You do have to be prepared with a song. In fact, I sang "Take my Hand" by The Kry at Norma's engagement dinner party. There was a lull in the conversation, and Norma's mom said, "Let's sing a song! Who will sing a song for us?" I knew immediately that we had to organize and get it over with, because it's no use refusing politely. You'll end up doing it in the end. So my table got up and sang "Take My Hand," clapping in the background and everything. Of course, I initiated and encouraged (forced) everyone to do it.

When I met some Korean people in a different part of the world for the first time while I was traveling, I was introduced as the teacher from America to a crowd of people. I was with my mom, and all of a sudden, the crowd wanted a song in English! I was mortified, but my I could see that my mom was already planning for us to sing. So, I just swallowed my American pride, and we ended up singing a nice duet rendition of "God is so good." Hallelujah.

This is an entry I wrote a while back. It was only a couple of months ago, but I've changed so much since then...

"You know, it is hard to maintain your independence
once you are married. I guess the very nature of
being married is being one. But, I would have to say
that I am distinctly an individual apart from Danny,
as well as one with him. Sort of like the trinity.
All God, but all man. Three persons, one God. You'll
never figure it out.

So anyways, I was thinking about this because Henry
said something interesting. (Yes, Henry!) He treats
me as if I were Danny. Or, in other words, he acts
exactly the same way to me as he does Danny. (Maybe
not EXACTLY, but pretty closely.) That is so
interesting. I don't think I treat married couples
that way. I definitely treat Henry differently than I
do Lorraine.

So going back to my point, I feel like I've been
losing my independence. I know I shouldn't. On good
days, I realize that I CHOOSE to give up my
individuality for the sake of us being one in mind and
heart. For example, we have certain roles in the
home. Danny takes out the trash and I cook. Those
are roles that we set for each other. We chose to
divvy them up. It's not that as individuals we can
not perform the tasks. Like, before Danny, I took out
the trash all by myself. And I'm sure Danny cooked
something to eat sometime. But now we have CHOSEN to
give up the right/privilege ? as individuals to rely
upon one another. That's why when I'm gone on a trip,
people ask if Danny is starving, and offer to cook him
dinner. Because they inherently know that that was my
role. In other marriages I'm sure it's different who
takes what role, etc. And when Danny goes away, I get
shocked that I have to take out the trash. At first I
am numb and will ignore the task. But when it becomes
unbearable, I have to exert all my energy in taking
out the trash. When thinking about this objectively,
it is absurd! I was quite the capable woman before I
got married. I'm not saying that I'm not capable
anymore; I just forget to assert my individuality
sometimes.

OK, so here's the point of my whole entry. I just
write this entry and send it to Danny, who then puts
it up for me. I was totally fine with it, but now,
I'm thinking, what if I want to control this myself?
I don't have the darndest idea how to put up my own
thoughts on the web. Xanga? Should I go that route?
Bloggers? Javascript? ohmy! What am I talking
about? I have no clue. So anyways, this is what I'm
thinking. I want to be in charge of my own thoughts
page so as to assert my individuality, as I am in a
happy marriage that celebrates the idea of oneness."

It's been a perfect Thanksgiving. This year Danny and I decided it would just be the two of us. At first, I was like, "But what about the family!!! What about the love!!!" But it's been great because I realized that we are family. And we are in love. :) Probably next year we'll go to LA or something, but this year, we had Thanksgiving dinner at California Cafe in Los Gatos. Then we went to San Luis Obispo. We walked all night at Farmer's Market and had a blast. Right now we're in an internet cafe waiting for our movie to start. Elf. And tomorrow we get to see Hearst Castle! I've just been having the time of my life. And you know for Danny, having an internet cafe break is GREAT.

So we're going to have a busy December. First weekend is Miriam and Minho's wedding, in which we're both involved. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and her husband will be staying with us. Then the week after, Karen is coming to visit!! The week after that, Las Vegas, baby. With my college friends. Then Houston. Then LA for another wedding.

Which reminds me. I have two weddings to attend this month, and I can't figure out what to wear for both of them. I'm so sad that there are no clothes out there that fits my taste. Maybe it's partly that I don't have a fashion sense. It can very well be that I'm just a dud. But, I'm looking for specific things in clothing, and I can't seem to find them. Or, if I do, it's too expensive to buy. I wish I can design my own clothing.

My students are creating PowerPoint presentations for their parents on Tuesday, and we've been madly trying to finish them. Today one student deleted her second slide, but I guess didn't know what to do about it, so she just started working on it all over again. Instead calling me over and asking me to undo what she just did, she went ahead and started working on it. It's lost forever. She started crying. My students are only in third grade, and are already experiencing the pain of losing work on the computer. It reminded me of the time in college that I had to write my whole paper again because I accidentally deleted it. I hated that gut-wrenching feeling. So, I'm going to do what I can to help her out during lunch.

My grandmother passed away several days ago. Since she lived in Korea, I was never too close to her. I only saw her every couple of years, but she was the only grandmother I knew. I remember there was a time when she visited America, and stayed with us for a couple of months. The two most important things she made sure she taught me during that time was 1) to always hand over a pair of scissors handle-side first and 2) that I am from the "mi-ryang" Park tribe. There are apparently three major kinds of Parks, and she really wanted me to know which one I belonged to. Perhaps she contributed to my sense of identity. Some Korean-Americans never know what kind of Kim or Lee or Choi they are, and it's not that important to them. But because my grandmother taught me, I remember and feel like I know who I am and where I come from.

I have bronchitis again. I don't know what it is, but every time I get a little cold, it turns into this nasty bronchial infection where I cough and cough so much that i get a six pack on my abs. Also, this is gross, but I lose control of my bladder sometimes when I have a coughing fit. Not total control!! But just a little. It's unpleasant, let me tell you. Whenever I get sick, I think of my mom and I always call her. I'm 25 years old, a quarter of a century under my belt, but I still feel like I need my mommy. And the greatest thing is, she just sits there and listens to my ailing complaints. She doesn't offer any advice or ask any questions, which is not what I want from her, but she gives me unconditional sympathy. Aww.... poor baby, she'd say. I am a poor baby! I'd reply. Then she always tells me the story of how when I was born, she remembers coughing a lot. It was a cold January night. She thinks that because she was coughing a lot when I was born, it somehow passed onto me. Perhaps she feels partly responsible for my weak body.

Anyways, I went to the doctor this week and I got some medication to help my bronchial infection to heal. I've never used an inhaler medicine, but it's kind of a fun way to take your medicine. Does anybody else feel sorry for me?? :)

I think women relationships are harder to build than men relationships. A lot of women, including me, think that hanging out with guys is so much easier than hanging out with women. Why? Because in general, men are just more chill than women. They don't get all sensitive about the way people say things, and it's easier to joke around with men. (I realize that I'm stepping on some dangerous waters by generalizing about men and women, but really, these are my thoughts, so I should be able to express them freely.) Anyways, so back to men and how they are so easy to hang out with. So, my theory is that it takes work for women to bond with other women. You have to be a little more sensitive with each other, not joke around harshly with each other in the beginning, resist the temptation to compete with each other when other men are around, and learn to accept each other as we are. It's tough, but I've found that it's so worth it. Having meaningful female relationships in my life is great, and I don't know what I would do without them.

Hm... How many road trips have my husband taken with just the guys since we got married?

I had dinner with friends from Menlo School. It was great catching up with them. We ate at Straits Cafe on Santana Row. I think it's my favorite restaurant! It's a bit pricey, well, a lot pricey, but I just love the Asian fusion dishes. All my favorite Asian dishes fused together in one great menu.

This weekend I got a lot of sleep. I slept until 11am on Saturday. Then took a two hour nap later that day. Then I had a 9 hour sleep on Saturday night, refreshed for Sunday. And finally I took another two hour nap this afternoon. I love weekends where I can just sleep and do nothing.

"Noises Off" was the name of the play we watched last night. It was hilarious. I loved it! I came to appreciate the theater a little more because of that play. How ingenious the set was. How impeccable the timing of the actors. Boy, I wish I can act.

My number one regret in high school is not trying out for a play. There will never be an opportunity like that ever again. Asian students got to be so many of the roles. It was unbelievable.

Tonight is our first Date Night since we got married. Don't get me wrong. Danny and I go out a lot, and spend time most days. However, we decided that we would build Date Nights into our schedule, and take turns preparing for it. That way, we have made a conscious decision to spend some quality time with each other, and not just exist next to each other. Danny is in charge of tonight's Date Night. We're watching a show in San Jose. How fun! Hopefully this can become a bi-monthly thing.

My car is in the shop. Don't know what the problem is yet. Cars.

My first car, a light blue '80 Chevy Chevette, brings back a lot of great memories. I was sixteen, and was one of the first tenth graders at my high school to own a car. It had been given to me for free from a parent's friend. I was so bold to drive around in that clunker!

I didn't mind so much at the time, but if you know a little bit about Whitney High School, you would also know that the parking lot of Whitney was a mini show room of brand spankin' new cars given to teenagers to drive, given to them from guilty and rich parents who didn't have much time to spend with their kids, but made it up by buying them new cars. (Even I ended up getting a new Honda Civic sedan after my Chevy Chevette died on the road.)

Anyways, I was never embarrassed about driving my Chevette, and all my friends were very supportive of my car. I remember Elsa bought me a car freshener to hang on my rearview mirror. It was one of those flat trees with a fresh lemon scent. And in the summer, when the air conditioner wasn't working and was in fact blasting hot air onto all of our legs, they still said "What a cool car!" It was great. It was amazing how much I wasn't into peer pressure in regards to this topic. I was so unvain.

In fact, I was very unvain in many other ways back in high school. As I grew older, I started to care more about what other people thought of me. Now I'm the most vain person I know. Isn't vanity a sin? Yes. My God. What kind of a life have I been living?

My little blue Chevy Chevette will always linger in my memories as a reminder of how I should live my life - in modesty.

Was that enough paragraphs for you, Henry?

I remember pulling all-nighters with Susan in junior high. Wow! Those were the days. She knew how to have fun while studying. One time, she and I and Cristina were studying for the 8th grade science final. We decided to make up cheers to help us remember concepts. Haha. My brothers must have thought we were whack. Ooh! By the way, my older brother is now a resident in Korea working as a lawyer. Hooray for him! He is the most Korean one out of the three of us. He speaks, he writes, and he understands. But more importantly, he is culturally more able to transition in and out of Korean culture than me and Jibin. Perhaps he will marry a Korean woman straight up from Korea? Who knows. That's my prediction. :) Anyways, I'm hoping to visit Korea next summer with Danny. It has always been my dream to go to Korea with Danny. And Japan. And China. (According to my mother, we're both going to China next year, btw.) Oh, Jannie, my mi-yuk guk turned out well! Oh, and today I made tuna pasta salad with Hanah's help for a church picnic. And it was a hit! Thanks to Susan for the recipe during my bridal shower. It really is a party favorite.

I made seaweed soup today. I'm waiting for my husband to come home and taste its goodness. I guess when it comes to cooking, my dream is that everyone who tastes of anything I cook would be so enthralled that they would proclaim, "Dear God! What are these pleasures on my taste buds!?" It's because I'm a perfectionist. Over this past year, I've gotten much better. I don't fish for compliments from Danny as much anymore. I just need a decent head nod, a murmur of pleasure, a raising of eyebrows, and a "this is good."

Are Asian Americans "people of color"? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To answer your question, Susan. :) There was once a time when "colored people" referred to only blacks, I think. Asians were referred to as "Orientals" and other names, which I won't name here. I think I'm making this next part up, but I believe that sometime during or after the civil rights movement, "people of color" became a term that encompassed all non-white minority groups. Over at Menlo School, I was shocked that they considered Asian Americans to be "white." What the? Preposterous! They have more to go in defining diversity in their school.

My pet peeve is when Asian Americans, especially the ones who have "made it" in society and have climbed the corporate ladder, claim that they are color blind and are oblivious to institutional racism. Just because they have succeeded in this society doesn't mean that everyone else has. This one Asian guy said to me once at Stanford, "I don't see _______ as white. She's just a person." Uh, are you blind? I see her as white! To be fair, I think I can understand what he was saying. The core of what he was saying was: I treat everyone equally. He claimed he didn't see color. He just treated everyone the same. Hm. Can I say something?? I think it means more to say, "I see that you're white, that you are part of a majority group in America, and that I'm yellow, and I am part of a group that consists of less than 5% of the population of America, AND I will treat you equally." And vice versa.

To deny seeing color is to deny that you are part of a very real system of classification based on color. I believe this guy has "benefited from a system that he claims does not exist." I won't get into this too much. sigh.

I'll stop right here. I have much to say about this topic, but I find that often times I speak out of emotion rather than intelligent reasoning.